00:00:00:00 - 00:00:08:13
Emily Orton
The people who love us the most may inadvertently be the ones who hold us back from reaching our full potential.
00:00:08:13 - 00:00:11:13
Erik Orton
Welcome to the What Could Go Right? podcast. We’re your hosts, Erik Orton.
00:00:11:13 - 00:00:13:05
Emily Orton
Orton and Emily Orton.
00:00:13:09 - 00:00:24:15
Erik Orton
We talk about personal growth and sailing. In 2014 with little experience and even less money, we bootstrapped year on a sailboat with our five kids and it changed our lives forever.
00:00:24:17 - 00:00:33:07
Emily Orton
We tell the whole story in our book Seven at Sea. On this podcast, we want to help you go from fear to freedom one adventure at a time.
00:00:33:07 - 00:00:44:13
Emily Orton
The people who love us the most may inadvertently be the ones who hold us back from reaching our full potential.
00:00:44:15 - 00:00:47:07
Erik Orton
That's awkward to say as a couple here.
00:00:47:09 - 00:00:56:08
Emily Orton
We're just we're going to be talking about that today. I think it's really important and we'll have a good conversation. But first, we just want to say hello. Let you know where we are.
00:00:56:10 - 00:01:17:16
Erik Orton
Yeah, we just finished our first full year of podcasting. So for those of you that have been listening from the beginning or early on, thank you. Thank you. Thank you for being along on this journey with us. And if you're new here. Welcome. We are delighted to meet you. Delighted to have you here. And we look forward to having conversations through through the podcast.
00:01:17:16 - 00:01:26:05
Erik Orton
And we like to keep in touch via email with people in our email list. If you haven't already subscribed, go there. And we do read them. We read all of them and we reply to as many as we can.
00:01:26:08 - 00:01:34:09
Emily Orton
You can also start a conversation with us on Facebook or Instagram at the awesome Factory NYC for sure.
00:01:34:10 - 00:01:57:12
Erik Orton
Okay, so we're trying some new things out. We're in a new studio today. Shout out to our friend Christine, who she's an amazing podcast producer. If you're needing help with your own podcast. Worth Social media is. She's an amazing friend, neighbor, and and professional as well. So thanks to her for all of her help and in making us look and sound good.
00:01:57:15 - 00:02:04:23
Emily Orton
Yeah, we were in her studio and now she has switched locations and so we're checking out the new space.
00:02:04:23 - 00:02:10:22
Erik Orton
Checking out the new digs. Okay, So today, Emily, it's safe to say it's going to be like a little bit of a book club.
00:02:10:22 - 00:02:30:05
Emily Orton
Maybe that while we will mention a variety of books, we'll talk about a couple different books and movies and real life experiences. But just talking about this idea that really sometimes the people who love us the most out of their fear based love for us, they kind of hold us back.
00:02:30:07 - 00:02:32:14
Erik Orton
All right, So we just dive in here.
00:02:32:16 - 00:02:40:03
Emily Orton
Yeah, let's go ahead. This is Eric's brainchild and he'll let you know. It started when he was reading this book.
00:02:40:03 - 00:02:57:10
Erik Orton
So I'm reading a book called I Can't Make This Up. It's it's a memoir by Kevin Hart, who my favorite role for Kevin Hart is in the movie Free Guy. I'm actually kind of wearing my my, my free guy blue shirt guy shirt today. You know, if you're listening to this audio, you won't be able to see that.
00:02:57:10 - 00:03:09:09
Erik Orton
But he plays Buddy. He, you know, the security guard in the bank. And anyway, we were not going to I could do a whole conversation about the scene between them where Ryan is it Ryan Reynolds?
00:03:09:11 - 00:03:20:13
Emily Orton
yeah. In the movie, it's like the opposite of what we're talking about because Ryan is trying to be a friend who's like, Buddy, there's so much more available to you in this life. And he's like, I'm afraid he's like, Step.
00:03:20:13 - 00:03:22:17
Erik Orton
Into your best life. Become a sunglasses person.
00:03:22:21 - 00:03:31:18
Emily Orton
He's like, I, I don't think so. So I don't think I can. But in real life, Kevin Hart is the opposite. And he has some some great stories about this.
00:03:31:22 - 00:03:57:15
Erik Orton
So I'm about halfway through this book and it's a great book. He swears a ton. So if that's not your thing, don't read this book. But it's just an amazing journey so far. And he comes from really unexpected circumstances, too. So what he's doing now and he just a little bit of back story, he is he's working as a shoe salesman.
00:03:57:17 - 00:04:26:00
Erik Orton
He's finished high school. He had a really, really wild upbringing. His dad was a drug addict and committed all kinds of crimes and was serving time. And his mom saw him, saw her, her husband, Kevin's dad, and and her son, Kevin's older brother, go on a bad course as well. So she just clamped down hard on his life and just kind of railroaded him in to discipline and good behavior.
00:04:26:02 - 00:04:38:17
Erik Orton
And so he's graduated high school. He's kind of got freedom for the first time because he's out from under the roof of his mom. He's discovered that he loves working in sales at a place called Sports City, where he sells shoes.
00:04:38:18 - 00:04:40:09
Emily Orton
And he loves talking to people.
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Erik Orton
He does.
00:04:41:03 - 00:04:42:05
Emily Orton
He just loves people.
00:04:42:05 - 00:05:05:21
Erik Orton
And so his personality is just really sparkling. And so he's super successful. He's got plans on going to corporate and becoming a Nike like rep that travels around to different retail locations. So he's he's got a pretty good trajectory in the shoe sales industry. But then all of his friends are like, you're so funny, you should go into comedy, you should do stand up comedy and encourage him to do an open mic night.
00:05:05:21 - 00:05:27:05
Erik Orton
And he does and he kills it and he has so much fun. He's like, This is what I want to do with my life. But then it gets real. And he says, I'm going to he's been working at this long enough winning contests, and he's deciding that he wants to just go all in on comedy and he's going to quit his job.
00:05:27:07 - 00:05:44:21
Erik Orton
So I'm going to read to you this passage from his book. If you ever get a copy on page 118. He says, Here are some of the things people might say to you when you decide to pursue your dream. I know you're excited about this right now, but you can't make a living at it. Are you sure this is what you want to do?
00:05:44:23 - 00:06:07:05
Erik Orton
Take some time and really think about it. Don't quit your job. Don't quit your day job. Stop dreaming. Be realistic. There's no money in it. It's not a smart choice. There's too much competition. You're not good enough. Many people will tell you to ignore these doubters. Others will tell you to listen and then prove them wrong, which worked for me in those first shows.
00:06:07:06 - 00:06:35:10
Erik Orton
But I'm going to recommend something better that I learned much later. Don't invite them into the conversation. You already know what you want to dedicate yourself to, so you don't need to ask for their approval. There's no need to seek external approval when you already have internal approval. That's why, even though I had sought everyone's advice about performing at that first open mic, I didn't ask anyone about quitting city sports to become a standup comedian.
00:06:35:12 - 00:06:59:13
Erik Orton
I just did it. It was all or nothing. I was ready to give this my all and I didn't want anyone saying anything to me otherwise. Okay, so the idea of I think the challenges of this, as we've been talking about it, is that he's a single guy living on his own. And so he's in a way kind of just saying, I'm just not going to ask my friends at work.
00:06:59:13 - 00:07:21:03
Erik Orton
I'm not going to ask my my parents. But he's kind of living his own life. And I think it gets a little bit different when when you're in a marriage and when you're a parent. I mean, I feel like there are some there are some nuances to this because we we're all interconnected. We're all our lives are interdependent.
00:07:21:05 - 00:07:27:11
Erik Orton
But the same Sometimes we do just need to make a decision and go, I'm curious your take on this, Emily.
00:07:27:13 - 00:07:56:15
Emily Orton
Well, I think you have another quote for us, our loved ones and family members. But I love what Kevin is saying about once you have an internal approval, then you don't need that so much, that external approval. And I know for our family, one example of this was in I think it was 2007 and we had spent a couple of months, you know, a few weeks considering the idea of homeschooling.
00:07:56:15 - 00:08:32:18
Emily Orton
One of our kids had asked to be homeschooled, and it was a little nerve wracking for me personally as I took it seriously. And I considered the implications for our life, especially for me as the primary educator. And I wasn't. I was kind of nervous about it, but things kept coming in to my path. Conversations or things I was reading and a good feeling around that started to grow and I felt that this could be something that would be really good for our family in our circumstance.
00:08:32:20 - 00:08:52:08
Emily Orton
And I started to feel enthusiasm about it. And I had your support. The kids were excited and so we went and talked to the people at their school. We had already transferred schools once because the first school wasn't a good fit, and this second school is that they were so much more about being student led and curiosity led and exploration and all this stuff.
00:08:52:08 - 00:09:15:17
Emily Orton
And so I expected when I went in there and said, we're thinking to homeschool our children and we want to partner with you and see where we might still be connected and where we'll be disconnected. And I thought they would be so excited because it was going kind of all in on their supposed teaching model, you know, learning model.
00:09:15:19 - 00:09:38:00
Emily Orton
And so I was really surprised when they were not encouraging. They were like, Well, what's your plan? Well, what are you going to do in this next semester? And, you know, I kind of brought up the fact that the teachers didn't really know what was happening with our kids. They were more focused on on the squeaky wheels. And so our kids were kind of languishing and not progressing, just kind of floating along.
00:09:38:00 - 00:09:51:09
Emily Orton
And they said, we'll create a squad of counselors and teachers and we'll make a plan and we're going to take good care of them. And why don't we just we'll work on this at the school while you figure out your homeschool plan. And they really were just kind of kicking the can down the road and trying to put me off.
00:09:51:09 - 00:10:15:17
Emily Orton
And I remember after that conversation, I felt horrible. I remember we went to a playground with the little kids and I, I think I just cried because of the way I felt so good about this going in and now talking to they've talked us out of it, talked me out of it. And I feel terrible. Why? As it turns out, as soon as as I agreed to leave the kids in school, they did not do the plan.
00:10:15:17 - 00:10:37:11
Emily Orton
They stopped returning my calls and our problem didn't get solved in any way. And so a couple of weeks later, a few weeks later, after spring break, the kids went back to school and I said, Just tell them it's your last day and we don't actually have to get permission from our principal. We we get it, you know, from another source in the district.
00:10:37:13 - 00:10:59:05
Emily Orton
And so I didn't have to speak to them. I didn't have to partner with them, and I didn't need their permission to make this change. And so we didn't. And they kind of panicked then, like, how come you didn't tell us you're taking the kids down like I did? And you said, you're going to do something about it and you didn't, and I don't need your permission, so good luck with everything.
00:10:59:05 - 00:11:20:15
Emily Orton
We'll see you on the block, you know, Anyway, for for for me, it it it was still pretty scary. And. And I started a blog when we started homeschooling, but I turned all the comments off because I knew this was the right thing for us, and I didn't want that to happen again. I didn't want to invite anybody else into the conversation about the like, whether they approved or didn't approve.
00:11:20:15 - 00:11:39:21
Emily Orton
I was like, I'm just going to tell you what we're up to. You can see what we're doing, but I don't want you in this conversation. I want you in my life. I don't want to talk about this with you because I'm it was the seed was so new that I wanted to give it a chance to grow and get a little more sturdy before I was ready to have other people come in and try to knock me down.
00:11:39:23 - 00:11:58:10
Erik Orton
Can we? I want to come back to this idea of just saying, Hey, this is a very vulnerable thing. I'm it's not sturdy enough. I can't I, I can't stand any pushback at this point. I want to come back to that idea. But also, as you're talking about the response from the school administration, I want to read another passage here from this book.
00:11:58:11 - 00:12:22:12
Erik Orton
So Kevin gives notice at his job and this is the this is how it goes between him and his manager. Kevin, are you serious right now? You want to be a comedian? Yeah, that's exactly what I want to be a comedian. Kevin, what's going on? You have a career here. You're good at it. There's room to grow. You get to corporate and be making $75,000 a year, and you're just going to throw it away because you won't.
00:12:22:12 - 00:12:45:04
Erik Orton
Amateur night at some comedy club? Pretty much. I'm worrying. You're letting this go to your head, you know. You know, you're headstrong. That's your problem. I didn't say, okay, this time. I said, I know what I want to do with my life. I quit. And then he continues, He says, Less than two months before, these same people had been encouraging me to try comedy because I was so funny.
00:12:45:06 - 00:13:05:14
Erik Orton
Today they were telling me to stop doing it. They believed in me then. Now suddenly they didn't believe in me. I couldn't understand it at the time. But later I thought about it. The problem is, many people want you to do things up to the point where they lose control of you as long as they're still your boss or mentor or partner or good friend, it's fine.
00:13:05:16 - 00:13:41:15
Erik Orton
But if it starts pulling you away from them or making you more successful than them, or keeping you too busy to see them as much, then your dream can become their threat. And I think that right there was. What was happening with administration is that they wanted our kids to get a great education. They wanted us to they said they wanted the best for us and our family until what we thought was best for them became a threat to them in a sense, because pulling our kids out of school meant, first of all, they lost the funding for two kids in their school.
00:13:41:17 - 00:13:48:05
Emily Orton
You might lose credibility with some of the other parents, like, where are they going? How come they're not going to school?
00:13:48:05 - 00:14:06:02
Erik Orton
Yeah, you know, in our kids were good, well-behaved, good students. It wasn't like, those problem kids are finally out of the school. It's kind of like, well, if those good kids are leaving, what's the issue? And is it going to plant the seed of an idea in other parents? And does it Domino And so there was a threatening element.
00:14:06:04 - 00:14:09:12
Erik Orton
What we were doing was in a way, I think, a threat for them, Would you say?
00:14:09:12 - 00:14:26:22
Emily Orton
Yeah, we were becoming educational competition and I mean, this was way before COVID, so nobody was really paying attention to that, that homeschooled sliver of parents.
00:14:27:00 - 00:14:50:21
Erik Orton
So this this is not about home schooling or not home schooling, but I think it is about when we make a decision to do something in our lives and we're pursuing it. And it might seem unconventional or unreal tastic or, you know, insert adjective, you know, if if we people you were saying something the other day about how people cheer for you as long as you're an underdog.
00:14:50:23 - 00:15:09:15
Emily Orton
yeah, I heard that from Alex from Jose. He said, the people are willing to cheer for you as long as you're an underdog. We love an underdog. That's so in our culture to love an underdog. And then as soon as you cross that threshold and become successful, suddenly you are like the enemy. Know you could be seen as inspiration.
00:15:09:19 - 00:15:24:07
Emily Orton
But very often, like in Kevin's experience, so many of the people now didn't believe in him anymore and thought he was actually doing something really dumb and maybe even harmful and dangerous to his own future.
00:15:24:09 - 00:15:44:11
Erik Orton
Well, for example, his manager is losing his top most reliable, most motivated, most inspiring sales rep to some crazy dream. And so now it impacts the manager in a way that he doesn't like. It was fun to go and cheer him on it. Live music night or amateur or, you know, open mic night or amateur night. That was fun.
00:15:44:11 - 00:16:09:13
Erik Orton
It was like team building. But then as soon as it's like, my goodness, my employee is leaving and now I've got to find somebody to replace him and my sales are going to drop and it's having an impact on him that he doesn't like. So I think when we do step out and commit to something that is different, there are ripples and and oftentimes it affects the people closest to us.
00:16:09:13 - 00:16:15:00
Erik Orton
And so maybe that's why they feel the most need to say something.
00:16:15:02 - 00:16:38:00
Emily Orton
Well, and I also think those people who are closest to us, they almost have. I mean, I feel that I have to restrain myself. The closer you are in relationship to somebody, the more entitled you feel to offer an opinion on their life and their choices. And that happens a lot in families.
00:16:38:02 - 00:17:05:09
Erik Orton
I also think we feel more licensed to be blunt or rude or inconsiderate because we feel like we can get away with it. What are they going to do? You know, I think we would never say things to colleagues or acquaintances that we say to people that we care the most about because we have a familiarity and we think that that gives us license in a lot of cases to say or do things that just wouldn't fly in other settings.
00:17:05:11 - 00:17:11:20
Erik Orton
And like you said, yeah, we'll just will offer up our opinions unsolicited. And oftentimes they're not very encouraging.
00:17:11:22 - 00:17:14:01
Emily Orton
It doesn't usually go very well.
00:17:14:03 - 00:17:17:02
Erik Orton
They can be, but oftentimes we don't. Should I read this?
00:17:17:07 - 00:17:39:17
Emily Orton
I want you to share this from Brenda. You and the first time Eric shared this quote with me, I remember we were on the subway riding somewhere in New York City. And and I felt so attacked. And I and I really I really felt sad about this. But take a listen and see if you think this might be true in some cases.
00:17:39:19 - 00:18:06:15
Erik Orton
Okay. So this is a book called If You Want To, Right by a woman named Brenda Ulin. It's about 100 years old, written in the early 20th century. And she's talking about creativity. The subject is it's a subtitle is a book about art, independence and spirit. And she's talking about, you know, when you're kids I don't know if kids do this anymore, but they used to, you know, like they would just get caught up in a project.
00:18:06:15 - 00:18:27:08
Erik Orton
And the one that she's the example that she's sharing is all the neighborhood girls want to put on a show. So they write the script, they make the costumes, they find or create all the props. They run around the neighborhood and they tape up posters and they invite everybody, you know, every mom, dad, you know, neighbor, dog, cat.
00:18:27:08 - 00:18:58:02
Erik Orton
They sell tickets for, you know, a nickel or what. You know, they just do the whole thing and they're all in and they're so energetic about it. And then she continues, But this joyful, imaginative, impassioned energy dies out of us very young. Why? Because we do not see that it is great and important because we let dry obligation take its place, because we don't respect it in ourselves and keep it alive by using it and because we don't keep it alive in others by listening to them.
00:18:58:04 - 00:19:16:20
Erik Orton
For when you come to think of it, the only way to love a person is not as the stereotyped Christian notion is to coddle them and bring them soup when they are sick. But by listening to them and seeing and believing in the God in the poet in them, for by doing this, you keep the God and the poet alive and make it flourish.
00:19:16:22 - 00:19:49:14
Erik Orton
How does the creative impulse die in us? The English teacher who wrote fiercely on the margin of your theme in blue pencil, straight rewrite. It helped kill it. Critics kill it. Your family families are great murderers of the creative impulse, particularly husbands. Older brothers sneer at younger brothers and kill it. There is that American pastime known as kidding with the result that everyone is ashamed and hangdog about showing the slightest enthusiasm or passion or sincere feeling about anything.
00:19:49:16 - 00:20:03:03
Erik Orton
As soon as somebody shows enthusiasm for something, it's easy to be like, that's dumb. Or that's, you know, or, you know, that doesn't really matter. You know, as soon as somebody gets excited, boom, they're an easy target.
00:20:03:05 - 00:20:33:07
Emily Orton
Yeah, it's really true. And it's so challenging because like we said earlier, as family members, we feel that we're coming from a place of love. But like I can see around this corner or I can I know you better than you know yourself, or I see this pattern and it's not going to work, you know, And you and you start coming from that really kind of fear based negative place, like it's not possible for you to change and expand into this.
00:20:33:07 - 00:20:57:23
Emily Orton
And instead of just saying, Wow, I can really see that you love this and you're excited about it. And it's so tricky, I think, because on the one hand, Kevin tells his story that at first he was a little he was a little nervous and his coworkers and friends all encouraged him to try something new and sort of expand on a natural ability that they saw in him.
00:20:58:01 - 00:21:27:07
Emily Orton
And sometimes we're in a position where we need that encouragement and we can be that person. And so I think it can be it can be really tricky too, to hear this and and say like, am I a murderer of enthusiasm? Like, am I killing everybody's dreams around me by giving my my insights into their potential? And so when when is the time that we want to seek outside feedback?
00:21:27:07 - 00:21:49:21
Emily Orton
How do we want to seek that feedback? And when is the time that we don't want to look for that feedback? Or like in my case I said I'm not including anybody else in this conversation because I know this is the right thing and I don't want anybody to try to knock me down right now. And I really think that it it goes back to something that you read at the very beginning from Kevin Hart.
00:21:49:21 - 00:22:25:16
Emily Orton
He said something about there's no need to seek external approval when you have internal approval. So when you know for sure you have your own internal approval that this is the the right move for you, you don't have to seek external approval. You can seek external approval with some parameters. You could say, like Eric often will say to me, if he's bringing a new script or something like that, he'll say, I only want to hear what you love about it.
00:22:25:16 - 00:22:47:02
Emily Orton
I read this script and tell me what I should definitely keep. What you love, what's working, and only say the things that are encouraging about it. And that's a great way to kind of guide the feedback that you're going to be getting from the people that you love. I did this one time. I got a haircut and had a haircut.
00:22:47:02 - 00:23:21:01
Emily Orton
It was we were newly married and I was feeling so grown up and sophisticated. I think I was 22 and I thought you were. I got the Princess Diana haircut. And when Eric got home from work, there was a little clip board outside our apartment door, and I had put a script for him. There was a one page script, and it had a dialog for him to say so that when he saw me my haircut for the first time, he would say exactly what I wanted him to say.
00:23:21:03 - 00:23:23:05
Erik Orton
Were you worried that I Did you not like how it turned out?
00:23:23:05 - 00:23:41:16
Emily Orton
I didn't know what you were going to say. I didn't tell you I was going to do it. It was going to be a big surprise and I wanted it to be a good experience for both of us. So it you know, it gave him exactly the the complimentary words to say, I know you came home. It was like pretty late at night, long days.
00:23:41:16 - 00:23:57:05
Emily Orton
You could have been tired. You'd be like, my gosh, what just happened to your hair? Or what? What? What are you doing? I would not have received that well. So I just, like, gave you a whole script and you came in and I said exactly the right thing. Yeah, I told you what kind of feedback I want it.
00:23:57:05 - 00:24:00:18
Emily Orton
That's feeling a little nervous about the big change.
00:24:00:20 - 00:24:26:03
Erik Orton
Well, I'd like to get to the get to this back. Back to this idea that you were saying earlier about when our feelings about something, especially when they're feelings of enthusiasm and I know you have a quote about enthusiasm that you're going to share, you know, when they're feeling particularly fragile or vulnerable or just, you know, they're new, they're fledgling because it's really easy to crush or kill something that's a fledgling or a seed or sapling.
00:24:26:03 - 00:24:47:09
Erik Orton
You know, they're just, you know, easy targets. And so often we just take each other out. I mean, Brenda's using a very brutal term here when she says families are great murderers of the creative impulse. I mean, that's that's it's true.
00:24:47:09 - 00:25:06:16
Emily Orton
We hear it around us all the time. You can just listen and see like is what Emily and Eric are saying a real thing? Does that really happen? And just listen to the conversations around you, people talking about their kids or talking to you or talking around the dinner table and see whether they're saying, yeah, you can do that.
00:25:06:16 - 00:25:13:18
Emily Orton
You could do anything. Or if they're saying, that's not really something you could do, you should put that out of your mind.
00:25:13:20 - 00:25:19:20
Erik Orton
Or, or you can't make money doing it. It's not realistic. Or maybe somebody else could do it, but not you.
00:25:20:00 - 00:25:43:19
Emily Orton
Yeah, I'm sorry, Brooke. Our friend Brooke Romney often says like, don't be the dream, dash. Your dreams will dash themselves. And so I guess there's two sides of this equation you can be on if you're the person who has something that you're enthusiastic about and you have that internal approval, you can just march ahead. If you want feedback, you can give parameters and say, this is really fresh and new and I only want support at this time.
00:25:43:21 - 00:26:03:14
Emily Orton
Or you could be on the other side of the coin and you could see the people around you bringing their ideas and you can choose to be the one who is encouraging. You could say, What kind of feedback do you want for that? Or I, you know, they're just bringing it to me for the first time. So rule of thumb, I'm only going to give encouragement.
00:26:03:16 - 00:26:08:00
Emily Orton
Let this dream dash itself if it's not a good fit for them.
00:26:08:02 - 00:26:34:02
Erik Orton
So I'm trying to think of a way to encapsulate the takeaway of how we can how we can, when we come to the world, to the people that we love with a vulnerable idea, with a precarious dream. I like what you're saying about your haircut. About how sometimes when I bring a script or something new, creative, that I'm working on, I'll say, I want this specific type of feedback.
00:26:34:04 - 00:26:56:21
Erik Orton
Please don't mark typos. Please don't tell me that there is an inconsistency in the plot or that, you know, like I'll just say, I just want to hear the positives. And I remember specifically one Sunday afternoon, I came downstairs. I'd been I had some ideas pop into my head and I'd written them down and you and Carina were on the couch and I came down and I said, I'd like to share some ideas with you.
00:26:56:21 - 00:27:14:13
Erik Orton
And these are very these are paper thin. And so will you just please just hear them out and don't try and punch a hole in it, because I'm sure there are holes to be punched in this. But now is not the time to do that. And I share them with you and you didn't punch holes in them. You were true to your word.
00:27:14:13 - 00:27:53:18
Erik Orton
And I and I appreciate that. And some of those things are things that we're still working on and they have yet to unfold. But I'm just grateful to you for honoring that request. And I guess for you listeners, I think if there's a way that you want, if there's something that you're feeling tenuous about or something that you feel scared to share because it might get murdered or or, you know, cut down or at least, you know, whack down in some way, consider how you can share it, but with a little bit of a preamble, something that helps the other person, especially if their family or they're close to you or their loved one and
00:27:53:23 - 00:28:01:04
Erik Orton
help them know where you're at and what kind of response for looking for even if it's just a haircut.
00:28:01:06 - 00:28:23:00
Emily Orton
Yeah. And if you don't have that kind of support, I'm thinking this story of Alex for Jose. He is a business guy. He you can find him on socials. And anyway, he wanted to make a change in his career path and his father didn't approve of it. And he knew that. And I think he had tried a couple of times before, but his father talked him out of it.
00:28:23:00 - 00:28:48:15
Emily Orton
And so this time, knowing he had the internal approval, he went several states away and just got started doing it and then told his dad, you, like, I do want to have him in the loop, but I need to be far enough away that he can't stop me, you know, that he won't shut me down. And, you know, he has pursued his own own path and it's it's shaking out for him in a really positive way.
00:28:48:17 - 00:29:15:01
Emily Orton
And so I love that that story about it. I want to share this quote. If you've ever seen the movie Ratatouille, there is a food critic in it named Anton Ego, and he gives a beautiful speech about the new and being a critic at the end. He said in many ways, the work of a critic is easy. We risk very little, yet enjoy a position over those who offer up their work and their selves.
00:29:15:01 - 00:29:37:02
Emily Orton
To our judgment, we thrive on negative criticism, which is fun to write and to read. But the bitter truth we critics must face is that in the grand scheme of things, the average piece of junk is probably more meaningful than our criticism designating it so. But there are times when a critic truly risks something, and that is in the discovery and the defense of the new.
00:29:37:04 - 00:29:44:20
Emily Orton
The world is often unkind to new talent, new creations, the new needs. Friends.
00:29:44:22 - 00:29:52:12
Erik Orton
I love that. Can you can you imagine the daunting task of then being the critic to review that movie?
00:29:52:14 - 00:29:53:21
Emily Orton
that's funny.
00:29:53:23 - 00:30:15:11
Erik Orton
Calls them out. Right? So I think there is an opposite here. Brant Newland talks about being the murderers, but there can also we can also be the life givers. We can be the ones who believe and encourage and support and just.
00:30:15:12 - 00:30:42:07
Emily Orton
Be easily delighted. I my favorite people that I meet as we travel around the world or travel around the country, the people that I feel so inspired by that resonate so much with me are the people who are easily delighted, especially people who are much older than me, who are still finding things to be enthusiastic about in this world.
00:30:42:07 - 00:31:11:08
Emily Orton
They're looking for the good and the beautiful. And that is my favorite example, is that that they are willing to be delighted. They're willing to be impressed by other people. They're willing to be charmed and engaged, and they're willing to say, Wow, that's so amazing and you're so clever. And I'm not saying that they're saying this to me, but just seeing how they interact with other people and and the world, I think, wow, that's the direction I want to go with my life.
00:31:11:08 - 00:31:21:21
Emily Orton
That is the fountain of eternal youth, is to to be able to have enthusiasm and support. Enthusiasm.
00:31:21:23 - 00:31:41:21
Erik Orton
Well, I think there's two parts to this. One is, yes, we there are a kinds of responses that we want from the people that we love. And we don't have a lot of control over that. We've talked about some things we can do to try and shape that situation, to try and get the best response or the thing that we think will be most helpful for us.
00:31:41:23 - 00:32:13:23
Erik Orton
Most of that is out of our control. However, how as you're saying, Emily, how we respond to other people, we can be that kind of person. Whether people are that for us or not, we can be delighted. We can be encouraging, we can be all those things that you said. And so that is within our control. And I have a hunch this is just a hunch that the more I am that way with other people, I suspect the more people will be that way with me.
00:32:14:00 - 00:32:44:08
Erik Orton
Just because just because of the nature of the interactions that I create, the people that I'll end up spending time with. And so we can't control the external approval or the external or the responses of people external to us. But we can we can act when we feel internal approval as Kate or sorry, as Kevin Hart says, and and we can control our internal response of how we interact with other people and when they share their dreams, their hopes, their ambitions with us.
00:32:44:10 - 00:32:48:05
Erik Orton
That's my that's like the end of the road for me on this.
00:32:48:07 - 00:33:29:07
Emily Orton
I love it. Well, I just want to say, if you're visiting us for the first time, this is your first time listening to us. We are optimistic. We are always trying to look for the good. But no, we don't think everything in the world always needs to be encouraged. And we've definitely been in hard situations, especially with our own kids, where we've had to work up the nerve to say, I think you're on a train that's heading for a cliff and so, you know, we'll we can maybe link another show episode that talks about that, that other side when when something truly terrifying is about to go down.
00:33:29:12 - 00:33:49:21
Emily Orton
But but for the most part, the majority of the time, the dreams will dash themselves and we can be the encourager and seek the encouragement that we need. I think we will feel a lot more excited about life in general, and it will improve our relationships if we let people know This is what I want to hear from you.
00:33:49:23 - 00:34:10:10
Erik Orton
Yeah, so we'll include these books in the show notes if you're curious to check them out. And we just hope that this has been helpful for you. And if it has, we invite you to review it rated, share it, subscribe. And if you think this would be helpful to somebody that you know, no passive aggressive sharing here, you know.
00:34:10:11 - 00:34:14:00
Emily Orton
This would be a really great for someone who's been criticizing me lately.
00:34:14:05 - 00:34:19:20
Erik Orton
Yeah. Feel free to share judiciously and with love. Anything else, Emily, before we wrap up.
00:34:19:22 - 00:34:20:20
Emily Orton
That's a rep for me.
00:34:21:02 - 00:34:25:05
Erik Orton
All right. What could go right? Dear friends, thanks for listening.
00:34:25:05 - 00:34:45:03
Speaker 1
Hey, guys, It's Eric and Emily. If you want to go sailing with us, here is the latest. July, we're going to Athens, Greece. That trip is sold out. August. We're going to the Bahamas. That trip is sold out September. We're going to be in Italy. That trip is private. So you won't be able to join on that one.
00:34:45:05 - 00:34:53:12
Speaker 1
But in October, we're looking at doing a trip back in the Bahamas. If you want to go somewhere warm and beautiful in the fall,
00:34:53:12 - 00:35:03:01
Speaker 1
just let us know. Drop us a line. We'd love to get you on the waitlist for that and we can get you details. November, I'm going to be in Thailand. That trip is also sold out December.
00:35:03:01 - 00:35:15:23
Speaker 1
We're looking at doing a trip either before Christmas, first half of the month or the week right after between New Year's and the first week of January. If that is of interest to you, drop us a note. We'll get you on the waitlist for that
00:35:15:23 - 00:35:22:09
Speaker 1
in January. I'm also doing a specific trip to the Virgin Islands and that trip is sold out February.
00:35:22:09 - 00:35:25:00
Speaker 1
We're going back to the Bahamas and
00:35:25:00 - 00:35:32:22
Speaker 1
there's one one cabin left. Yeah, I got some deposits on that before the weekend. So there is one cabin left for our February Bahamas trip.
00:35:32:23 - 00:35:34:05
Speaker 2
So two spots.
00:35:34:07 - 00:35:54:04
Speaker 1
Two spots. Yeah. Correct. So the moral of the story is these trips are filling up if you want to go. Love to have you aboard. We just got to get you some details. We have to have a chat if we're not already acquainted. I talk with everybody before we go sailing. Nobody just signs up. It's a chance to make sure that we're all a good fit for each other.
00:35:54:04 - 00:36:09:12
Speaker 1
But if. If you're the kind of person that wants to listen to this podcast, I have a feeling that we'd be a good match. Also, Emily takes great care of us with the food she puts together. Amazing meal plans and send us sends us off with all the food and the recipes that we need. Anything you want to say about that?
00:36:09:15 - 00:36:18:02
Speaker 2
Emily Yeah, I love to make sure we take good care of you. Your, your preferences, your favorites, and.
00:36:18:04 - 00:36:19:04
Speaker 1
Peanut M&M is for me.
00:36:19:05 - 00:36:59:01
Speaker 2
Right? Everybody eats really well. And it's such a fun connecting time to be at anchor as the sun is setting, chopping your vegetables together, talking about the adventures of the day with your new friends. It's it's a really lovely part of the trip. And I would just also add that one of the things that we offer on these trips is a really kind and encouraging captain who is Eric's super enthusiastic about sailing and especially about helping introduce new sailors to to the activity, to the sport, to the fun that it is to live on a sailboat.
00:36:59:01 - 00:37:07:15
Speaker 2
So if you want to try living on a sailboat, you really couldn't look for a better guide and coach in your sailing journey than Eric Gordon.
00:37:07:21 - 00:37:13:11
Speaker 1
We had the best instructor when we were getting certified in the Caribbean. His name was Matt Holt. So Matt, if you're listening.
00:37:13:13 - 00:37:19:09
Speaker 2
He doesn't he doesn't instruct anymore. He's in like he Green University or something.
00:37:19:09 - 00:37:38:17
Speaker 1
Yeah, he doesn't teach private clients anymore, but he was amazing in my job is just to be as kind and helpful and encouraging as he was for us. So thank you, Emily. And if sailing seemed like it'd be your thing, we'd love to hear from you. The best way to reach out is via email. Hello at the Awesome Factory dot NYC.
00:37:38:17 - 00:37:51:09
Speaker 1
NYC is in New York City. You can also send us a DM on Instagram or Facebook. But hello at the awesome factory. Dot NYC or social media are the best ways and we hope to see you aboard. Thanks.
00:37:51:09 - 00:37:58:13
Speaker 1
If this has been helpful, please subscribe rate Review the podcast because this helps more people like you find us.
