00:00:00:00 - 00:00:21:20
Emily Orton
Cha cha cha changes. We are noticing the change is happening all around us as spring is trying to sneak up on us. And that inspired us to have a whole episode about embracing change. Whether it is something you're looking forward to or something that sneaks up on you. Welcome to the what Could Go Right podcast. I'm Emily Orton.
00:00:21:20 - 00:00:23:13
Erik Orton
And I am Erik Orton.
00:00:23:15 - 00:00:54:02
Emily Orton
And on this podcast we try to talk about how you can thrive as a person, a partner and a parent. Personal growth, family connections and raising parenting, I guess. Adult kids. Awesome. So we've been going on these morning walks and we're just starting to notice when the snow is melted. We see crocus pop up here and there, or we'll see the little fuzzy nubs on the tree show daffodils.
00:00:54:03 - 00:01:06:10
Emily Orton
Yeah, the daffodils are coming up and we see the trees are starting to have like the little buds and it's still pretty cold outside. But we're feeling like change is afoot.
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Erik Orton
Some days it's almost 60 degrees. And this morning it was snowing. So it's a mix.
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Emily Orton
Yeah. Yeah, I call it like, like the seasonal puberty because it's like, so moody. It's going back and forth from really warm to really cold. But nevertheless, things are, you know, spring is coming like the plants are on track to bloom when things even out and stay warm.
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Erik Orton
And we're kind of recovering from our daylight savings overhang that just.
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Emily Orton
Yeah, just.
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Erik Orton
Throws me.
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Emily Orton
That me. I don't know where this will.
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Erik Orton
Explore and make it start. Please Congress, I beg you.
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Emily Orton
I don't know where this episode will will appear in relation to daylight savings, but.
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Erik Orton
It's already over.
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Emily Orton
For us, so it takes us many days to get over it, too. So let's talk about that because that is a change that is really hard for us to embrace. We're like, you know what? We're just going to sleep in an extra hour. That's how we embrace that change. We adjust our skin.
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Erik Orton
Make the clock whatever you want. I'm still going to sleep.
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Emily Orton
Exactly.
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Erik Orton
I wish.
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Emily Orton
Was Well, we do it to some degree. Yeah, for sure. Until we're like, okay, I think I'm ready.
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Erik Orton
But the kids, Lily still has to go to school anyway.
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Emily Orton
So, we just adjust on a slower schedule than the rest of the world, I guess. But in a lot of things, we actually are pretty good at embracing change. And when it's something that you're looking forward to, somehow it seems easier. But what are some of the ways that you approach change that you might describe as embracing change?
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Emily Orton
When something is changing for you?
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Erik Orton
You're asking me, you okay? First of all, here's my approach is I know that change is happening. What's the adage? There's like.
00:03:07:23 - 00:03:09:00
Emily Orton
The only constant is.
00:03:09:00 - 00:03:29:17
Erik Orton
The the only constant is change. Or three things are certain death, taxes and change. So change is coming no matter what. And, you know, we before we hit record, we were talking about seasons like if you live in a certain part of the world, spring leads to summer. Summer leads to fall. Fall leads to winter and and winter leads to spring.
00:03:29:18 - 00:03:56:18
Erik Orton
It's inevitable change happens no matter what. And so I guess to your question, I mean, my feeling is that I'm going to go out there and pick the kinds of change that I want, the kinds of change that I prefer, because I know that change will come for me no matter what. And change has taken a lot of forms throughout my life, but it's the most fun when I'm choosing it for myself.
00:03:56:20 - 00:04:22:17
Erik Orton
And I like to think that change helps. There's benefit to change, there's, there's benefits to going through change. But if I'm going to go through it, it's a lot more pleasant to choose the kind of change that I want. And in some in earlier times in my life that was saying, I'm going to change jobs, I'm going to I'm no longer growing, I'm no longer happy here, and I'm not about to get fired, but I'm leaving anyway.
00:04:22:19 - 00:04:42:00
Erik Orton
And I would go get a new job or, you know, I can't say that we really moved because we just kind of kept our base in New York for a long, long time. So we never really changed where we lived. But we would change our physical surroundings by traveling, saying we're going to go camping this weekend and choosing that kind of change, rather.
00:04:42:05 - 00:04:54:15
Erik Orton
And it's never easier to go camping than it is to stay home. It's always easier to stay home and just, you know, watch a movie or something. But choosing those little things, they.
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Emily Orton
Are.
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Erik Orton
The things that nobody's pressing on you. You know, so often we won't make a change until somebody else forces it on us. Whether it might be like, you get laid off or you need, you know, or now you're sick and you have to deal with this or, you know, you know, when you're younger and somebody breaks up with you or, you know, whatever.
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Emily Orton
So when you're older and somebody breaks up with you, world Exactly. Happens all the time for sure.
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Erik Orton
So anyway, to that, does that answer your question?
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Emily Orton
You aren't necessarily saying how to embrace change. You're just saying you like to choose the change.
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Erik Orton
I guess that's step one. Step one is to choose the change that I want rather than letting some arbitrary change come at me.
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Emily Orton
Yeah, and I have two things I want to say about that. First, I really liked what you said about choosing to change your job because you mentioned that you maybe realize that you're not growing anymore and so you're not happy. And just that connection between growth and happiness. And so many times the growth happens when we're in a season of change.
00:06:03:10 - 00:06:48:05
Emily Orton
And I don't think we can only be happy if we're in the midst of disruption because sometimes we've, you know, finished a time, a season of change and we're able to enjoy and celebrate and reflect on what we've achieved in that and that can be happy as well. And then I would also say, going back to if choosing your your change is step one, I would say there's like a pre req, which is just recognizing that there is, things have changed and we don't always notice the example that comes to mind for me right now is I have several siblings and I have two little sisters that were the same height for a long
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Emily Orton
time, and we kind of saw them as twins, even though they were, you know, not one was older and one was younger. And that one day the two of them went up to my mom and they stood back to back so that she could see that one of them was a the older one was a full head taller than the younger one because they couldn't wear the same size clothes.
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Emily Orton
And like none of us had noticed.
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Erik Orton
Mom, you need to realize that I'm seven inches taller and I can't. You can't just by two of the same anymore. So that was that.
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Emily Orton
I think it was something like that. So actually, I think a prerequisite for embracing change is acknowledging, identifying, being aware like things have changed or things are changing or things are about to change, and you may or may not immediately have a plan in place for what you want to do about it. If you do, that's great. You can move right on forward to, okay, here's how I want to approach this change.
00:07:51:03 - 00:08:12:07
Emily Orton
I'm going to choose this. I'm going to take action. And if not, if it makes you a little bit nervous and you're not really sure how you want to handle that change, then you can feel loss. And we talk about this sometimes it feels disorienting. You feel like I'm not really sure what I want to do. I mean, this could happen at any age.
00:08:12:07 - 00:08:42:03
Emily Orton
You could be graduating high school, break up with a boyfriend or girlfriend, or you could just be entering retirement and be like, I'm not quite sure what I want from this, but I definitely know it's going to happen. And so this is where I suggest instead of feeling lost or telling yourself that you're lost or disoriented or you're not sure what you want, you can just change the words you use to talk about your journey and say, I'm exploring.
00:08:42:05 - 00:09:31:05
Emily Orton
Things are changing and I'm exploring so that I can discover what I will want to choose to do next. What I will want to choose to do with my time and my energy, my new situation, and for our new listeners. We In 2014, we moved aboard a sailboat and sailed for 2500 miles with our five kids. It was a transformational experience for us and one of the things that I loved most about it, or one of my biggest takeaways was that because we had chosen that change and it was a lifestyle that put us in change over and over and over again, we dealt with a huge amount of uncertainty in a really condensed period
00:09:31:05 - 00:10:01:09
Emily Orton
of time, and I was able to and I think all of us start to map out a path for embracing change. And the first was saying Things are changing. I feel disoriented about this. And so I am now going into Explorer mode and I'm going to discover what I want to do about this. And then from there I could start to pick a new destination and a new goal that I wanted for this relationship or this activity.
00:10:01:09 - 00:10:26:21
Emily Orton
And and it's great because, yeah, we chose that for ourselves. But what we learned from it, we could then apply to things that just blow you sideways, like maybe a cancer diagnosis or maybe you didn't choose to quit your job, maybe you got fired unexpectedly and then what are you going to do? And this same path helps. You can say, okay, I'm in a new situation.
00:10:26:21 - 00:10:47:12
Emily Orton
I'm going to explore my options. And now I can decide from here, from a position of control and stewardship and choosing what I'm going to do next. And it just kind of helps you stabilize as you think about your future and embracing that change.
00:10:47:13 - 00:10:49:01
Erik Orton
Can I go on a little tangent, please?
00:10:49:01 - 00:10:51:16
Emily Orton
I mean, I think that's what this show is about.
00:10:51:18 - 00:11:32:03
Erik Orton
This is Welcome to the Tangent episode. So I was listening, I was out skiing last week and I was listening to my whole music library on shuffle and one track that came up was a podcast that we we were being interviewed on it and this was several years ago, but it was, I think, one of my favorite conversations that we had about this topic and we were talking about before we went sailing and how I had been at this job that I think the way you put it was that I hadn't been I had spent so many thousands of hours dedicated to not growing because because it was a job that was just as we
00:11:32:03 - 00:11:40:23
Erik Orton
talked about it at the time. It was my disposable job. It was just to pay the bills. I was not invested at all in. You know, I did good work. I was very good at what I did.
00:11:41:01 - 00:11:48:14
Emily Orton
They kept trying to promote you and you didn't want to get promoted. And that's fine. You might say like, I'm holding this steady because I want to grow somewhere else.
00:11:48:16 - 00:12:20:05
Erik Orton
Well, that's what I want to get to, is that. No, no, no, you're fine. Just that. That it's okay to not change in certain areas of your life so that you can conserve energy and attention to the areas where you want to change. And so in this particular job, yeah, they did keep trying to promote me and work, you know, move me to a time and a place where I would be more available to them, but it would cut into the times and places where I could do the things that I wanted to do.
00:12:20:07 - 00:12:41:12
Erik Orton
And it would take more energy. It would make it harder for me to do the things that were most important. And the job that this job was doing for me was it was paying the bills and it was providing for a family, and that's all I wanted out of it. And I never did and I never under-performed. But I was not interested in growing in this area of my life.
00:12:41:14 - 00:13:10:08
Erik Orton
And so I think it's worth noting that you don't have to be trying to grow in all the ways of your life. It is totally okay to say in this area, I do not want to seek change. This is an area where I want to stay the same, where I'm comfortable and I'm happy and I like it the way it is, and you can use that as a way to conserve so that you have the capacity and the bandwidth and the energy to say, over here, this is where I want to change.
00:13:10:10 - 00:13:33:02
Erik Orton
And I in because I'm conserving in this one place. I have the capacity to grow over here. And I actually think that I don't want to get to like media urological about, you know, but that's what winter is. I think it's about conserving energy. You know, the days get shorter, there's less sunlight, the leaves, the trees. So, you know, we can't sustain all these leaves.
00:13:33:02 - 00:13:58:13
Erik Orton
We're going to sort of retreat into ourselves so that we can survive through this this window of time, the season of less sunlight. And then when the day starts to get longer, as the earth gets to a different place in relationship to the sun, then we can produce, we can put out leaves, we can start photosynthesis again and all that sort of stuff.
00:13:58:15 - 00:14:06:13
Erik Orton
And so I just think it's okay to say I'm going to not change so that I can change. Does that make.
00:14:06:13 - 00:14:29:10
Emily Orton
Sense? Yeah, I actually really like the winter metaphor and talking about strategic use of your energy, right? And I always think, why do we have New Year's resolutions, right? Like, who wants to be making big plans on January 1st, at least in the northern hemisphere? It's maybe the the least, you know.
00:14:29:10 - 00:14:32:12
Erik Orton
To the equator. If you're going to make a New Year's resolution.
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Emily Orton
It's the least kind of new growth and inspiration season we just randomly picked that day. Should make.
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Erik Orton
Your resolutions. Now that spring is springing.
00:14:42:15 - 00:14:52:17
Emily Orton
You should make your resolution on the vernal equinox, right? Like, why don't we do it like March 21st or March 20th, whenever it falls? You know, that seems like the perfect time.
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Erik Orton
Whenever it springs.
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Emily Orton
You know, that's when we want to clean house. We want to declutter our calendar. We've got all that sunshine kind of doing good things in our brain to make us feel hopeful. I actually don't believe you have to have, you know, a whole holiday or a season to set a goal. I think you just set it. Whenever you decide you're ready to make a change.
00:15:11:06 - 00:15:11:18
Erik Orton
You start with.
00:15:11:18 - 00:15:24:12
Emily Orton
Not sure, but it feels most natural to say, I'd like to, you know, do something grand, start something new when the whole world is starting something new right along right along with you.
00:15:24:12 - 00:15:29:06
Erik Orton
I that it when the whole world is starting something new. At least half of the world. The northern.
00:15:29:06 - 00:15:34:01
Emily Orton
Half? Yeah, the northern half. And you're in the southern half then. Definitely. That makes sense to do it.
00:15:34:04 - 00:15:38:06
Erik Orton
Do it in September. Do it in September when your spring is happening.
00:15:38:07 - 00:16:05:18
Emily Orton
Exactly. But I do like the idea of of being really intentional, mindful, strategic about where you want to put your growth energy. And you might be in a conservation season, especially like if a whole bunch of change is happening to you, you might say we're not starting any new after school things, any new classes and not committing to any new stuff because this, you know, new challenge has just disrupted my life.
00:16:05:18 - 00:16:27:02
Emily Orton
And so I want to shut down as much as possible and attend to that. Maybe it's a winter. Right? And so many good things are happening in winter. Like you said, or maybe you like. Well, the change that's come is that my children have grown up and moved out and I am not working as many hours as I used to.
00:16:27:02 - 00:16:57:07
Emily Orton
And I want to add things. You may not want to add things in. You may want a season of friends, but you may want to add things in like you're going to know. One of the red flags I use as an indicator is if you're feeling a resentment, maybe you're doing either too much or the wrong things. Those things are bringing you resentment instead of making you feel excited that you get to participate with other people and it's just a little red flag for how change is going.
00:16:57:07 - 00:17:20:05
Emily Orton
So I think when we're talking about embracing change and the different seasons and being taking a moment to reflect on where you are, where you want to go, and then decide strategically where you want to put your energy, what areas you want to grow in. And maybe it's a season of everything changing something big, and maybe it's a season of changing by doing fewer things.
00:17:20:07 - 00:17:29:07
Emily Orton
Or maybe it's a season of just holding steady. But I'm but I'm doing it intentionally to conserve. To conserve, Yeah.
00:17:29:09 - 00:17:35:15
Erik Orton
Can I throw out some options for in choosing change that might be pleasant. Yeah.
00:17:35:17 - 00:17:44:18
Emily Orton
Change is off. I mean change is often pleasant. Eric's mom always says we love to cook. Or she says, like, I change is as good.
00:17:44:20 - 00:17:45:02
Erik Orton
As a.
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Emily Orton
Rest. As a rest.
00:17:46:07 - 00:18:13:14
Erik Orton
A change is as good as a change is as good as the rest. And I live by that. For a long time. Whenever I was feeling tired, I would change something, rearrange my bedroom or start a new activity or anyway, just switch it up because you can feel energized by that. So speaking of feeling energized by change, maybe the thing that you want to change is you want to go somewhere really beautiful and restful and restorative.
00:18:13:18 - 00:18:30:00
Erik Orton
And so if so we've got you you've heard us talk about these sailing trips that we do. And I just want to tell you what's on the menu, because maybe you're not listening. Maybe you don't get our emails just yet, or maybe you just haven't been in a place where we've shared them. But we have some fun trips coming up this year, sailing trips.
00:18:30:00 - 00:18:52:05
Erik Orton
We take people out. It's about eight people per trip, sometimes a little bit more. When this podcast airs, I'll be heading to Mexico for my second time, going to the Sea of Cortez. I'm really excited because it's such a beautiful place that I discovered not, you know, it was the first time for me last December, and it's stunningly beautiful and I'm excited to go out with a group there.
00:18:52:07 - 00:18:57:10
Erik Orton
But that's just our spring. But we've got summer, fall and winter coming up. So. Okay, if I just rattle off.
00:18:57:10 - 00:19:02:18
Emily Orton
Yeah, so many seasons, but you're going to be captaining these beautiful places.
00:19:02:20 - 00:19:23:23
Erik Orton
So this summer we're going to be in Greece. So if you have any interest in sailing in Greece this summer, drop me a line. We're also going to be in Italy right across the way. So July, August, September will kind of be in that part of the world. So Greece and Italy and then we're going to go to the other side of the planet, Thailand, Asia.
00:19:23:23 - 00:19:37:15
Erik Orton
So if you have any interest in going to Thailand, we've already got some trips planned there and I'll be over there and happy to do another week if you want to come over there and sail scuba dive. I hear the scuba diving is just out of this world.
00:19:37:17 - 00:19:38:16
Emily Orton
That's what I've heard, too.
00:19:38:17 - 00:19:57:16
Erik Orton
That's what I've heard. Somebody, a diver that I was talking with, she said, You have to like wave the fish out of the way to see the coral reef. I was like, I'll believe it when I see it, but I'm happy to report back or come find out with me. And then as it turns into winter in the northern hemisphere, we're going to go some places that are really warm.
00:19:57:16 - 00:20:17:20
Erik Orton
So we're going to go to the Bahamas and to the northern part, to the Abacus Islands. We're going to go to the Virgin Islands, which we know and love and always love introducing people to them. And then we're going to go to the Bahamas again in February, the southern part, the Exuma. And so if any of those places or trips sound fun or interesting to you, let's talk.
00:20:17:20 - 00:20:39:05
Erik Orton
Even if it's not a match for this year or this season, I just love people knowing what they are, being aware of them and answering all your questions because people are like, where do we get food or What's the boat like? Or Anyway, I love answering those questions, so we'll have a link, a link in the show notes where you can sign up for a time to chat with me and I'm happy to Q-and-A through that with you.
00:20:39:07 - 00:20:46:01
Erik Orton
But anything else you want to say about change through sailing trips this year before we wrap it up, This.
00:20:46:01 - 00:21:04:00
Emily Orton
Has been actually a change that we've chosen. We've done a couple of things differently with our sailing trips this year, which has been an experiment right where we used to always go together. And these trips Eric has been going just him, not me with him.
00:21:04:00 - 00:21:07:07
Erik Orton
And we've I miss you.
00:21:07:09 - 00:21:19:18
Emily Orton
We've divided the labor where I, you know, get all the food information and prepare the food. So I'm, I'm still supporting and I'm and I'm in communication with you, but I'm not on the boat with you.
00:21:19:19 - 00:21:25:09
Erik Orton
And now, like most of the people don't want to go anymore and family's not going to be there. Like, whatever.
00:21:25:09 - 00:21:48:12
Emily Orton
I may, I may be showing up in some of these trips that he's talking about. It's it's to be determined. But what has been fun is that we took this whole year to do exploratory sales. So we know we knew a couple of areas pretty well. We'd been there before, but Eric wanted to branch out and try some new areas.
00:21:48:18 - 00:21:54:00
Emily Orton
And so like you said, LA the pause was a new one and.
00:21:54:02 - 00:21:55:09
Erik Orton
And some of these will be new, like.
00:21:55:09 - 00:21:56:12
Emily Orton
Thailand is Thailand.
00:21:56:12 - 00:21:56:18
Erik Orton
Will be.
00:21:56:18 - 00:21:58:21
Emily Orton
New. We haven't, haven't been there before.
00:21:58:21 - 00:22:05:00
Erik Orton
And so where we're going in Italy will be new to me. I mean, I've sailed in Italy, but not this particular spot. So sorry.
00:22:05:00 - 00:22:29:23
Emily Orton
Yeah. So just that, just that, that it's been a change. And in how we've worked together and it's been a change in locations and we were teaching a lot of our coaching framework for you to be more deliberate in your life, to go from drifting to navigating and have, you know, not all the control, but recognize more control that you have and sharing our our plan for that.
00:22:29:23 - 00:22:40:06
Emily Orton
And these trips are literally not that at all. It's just you just going sailing. You're in these beautiful locations. You saw great conversations with Eric, but it's.
00:22:40:06 - 00:22:41:23
Erik Orton
A little bit sometimes we sneak in a little.
00:22:42:01 - 00:22:42:03
Emily Orton
Bit.
00:22:42:07 - 00:22:45:08
Erik Orton
But we don't do a lot of life design. But there's some of it.
00:22:45:10 - 00:23:13:14
Emily Orton
And so it's just been us experimenting to see what's working best for you, What's the most fun for you and what we found is that people really love coming on these trips because they have just the right amount of support to try something new where they can raise the sails, like drop the anchor, steer the boat, but not feel like it's all on them or they're going to be tested.
00:23:13:14 - 00:23:23:12
Emily Orton
They get to cook in a in a kitchen. And it's one of the great ways to, you know, make new friends. And so, yeah, those are some of the things that have been really fun about the sailing trips this year.
00:23:23:14 - 00:23:31:06
Erik Orton
And I'm going to this is somebody who sailed with me recently and she hasn't said yes, for sure you can share this. I'm not going to say her name, but.
00:23:31:09 - 00:23:34:00
Emily Orton
okay. Yeah, we just got this message. Yesterday was fun.
00:23:34:02 - 00:24:07:12
Erik Orton
This was just a great message, She says. What an incredible trip. Adventurous, breathtaking, challenging and relaxing all at the same time. And so great to meet such wonderful people. I really feel I came back a little different, a little better person ready to try new things, find more joy and have adventures. Man, that is what I hope every person feels after these trips, because that's that's a large part of why I go, because I feel that and then I love people getting that take away.
00:24:07:12 - 00:24:10:05
Erik Orton
So that was a really great message to receive.
00:24:10:05 - 00:24:15:12
Emily Orton
Yeah, it's just like a breath of fresh air for your whole way of thinking in your whole, your whole soul.
00:24:15:14 - 00:24:17:09
Erik Orton
Your body, your heart, your mind.
00:24:17:11 - 00:24:35:11
Emily Orton
So I just want to go back to what your mom said. Like she says the changes as good as a rest. And according to this, you know, person who went sailing with you, a change is even better than a rest. It's restful and rejuvenating. So yeah, that is really awesome. Thanks for sharing that.
00:24:35:13 - 00:24:57:05
Erik Orton
Yeah, you bet. So when whatever season of life you're heading into, as we change from winter into spring, you know, I hope that you're you're moving into beautiful, brighter things to come. But whatever the change it might be, just know that there are seasons and there's times to rest. What's this? What's the in Deuteronomy? There's a time and there's a time in a season.
00:24:57:08 - 00:24:59:17
Erik Orton
All things. There's a time to, you know, the whole song.
00:24:59:19 - 00:25:02:23
Emily Orton
You guys can let us know in the coming. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:25:03:01 - 00:25:29:22
Erik Orton
We're just riffing here. But you know, there's a time for there's a time for seeking growth. There's a time to rest. There's a time to reach out. There's a time to stay close and home. And anyway, just, just I hope that you're enjoying the season that you're in and that you're looking forward to the season to come. And if and if you're needing change, just know that you can go out there and you can you can find it, you can seek it, you can choose it because it will come for you.
00:25:29:22 - 00:25:38:14
Erik Orton
And I hope that you're able to move into changes that you want that will make your life better. That's that's my wish for you. Anything else, my love?
00:25:38:14 - 00:25:45:04
Emily Orton
Yeah. We always love to end this episode with a question to think about what could go right.
00:25:45:06 - 00:25:48:10
Erik Orton
Thank you for listening.
