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Erik
Today, we're going to talk about how to reframe a midlife crisis into what we're going to call a midlife quest. My name is Erik Orton. Welcome to the What Could Go Right? Podcast.
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Emily
I'm Emily Orton.
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Erik
And here we talk about how to help you thrive as a person, partner and parent and make your midlife more meaningful.
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Emily
Before we get into this midlife crisis versus quest, I just want to say welcome to February. In February. We celebrate Fezywig Day. Fezywig is name of the sailboat that we lived on with our five kids. And going on that adventure truly was transformational for us and so every year we celebrate on February 8th with cinnamon rolls And how we want to celebrate with you is we want to invite you to sign up for a free discovery call to discover what's possible for you.
00:00:53:17 - 00:01:19:06
Emily
Erik will guide you in a conversation designed to draw out your dreams for your “future You” as a person, a partner and a parent and he's serial dreamer, does all the dreams he comes up with. He makes them happen. So he is the right man to talk to if you have something on your heart that you wonder if it's actually possible.
00:01:19:08 - 00:01:39:04
Emily
And for the first ten people who sign up, we are going to be sending to your door cinnamon rolls in the continental U.S. if you sign up as one of the first ten people to sign up for a discovery call. After you hear this, you're going to receive cinnamon rolls to your door so you can celebrate as you work day with us.
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Erik
Where do they go to sign up for a discovery call?
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Emily
You're going to go to the Awesome Factory dot NYC forward slash discovery. And if you want to go sailing with us, you can go to the awesome factory dot NYC forward slash sailing 2024 and look into an adventure. You or you and someone you love could go on this year.
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Erik
Va va Va Voom. Also, both of those landing pages have been updated with new fun information. So you know, check them out. It's it's a you know, it's a good read. It's a good look. Okay. All right.
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Emily
There is a really funny joke at the end of the Discovery call page.
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Erik
So, yeah, just scroll straight to the bottom, skip all the info and just go for the joke. Totally worth it.
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Emily
All right, let's talk about crisis versus Quest.
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Erik
Okay. Where do you want to start on this?
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Emily
Well, I just think midlife always seems to be coupled with this phrase crisis like it's such an emergency or like we're in a panic or that the cliche is that we've just realized that we're not going to live forever and we're not really sure if we're excited about the life choices we've made up until now. And so we start engaging in all kinds of rash, a responsible and maybe even destructive behaviors.
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Emily
And it's kind of a joke. And, it's really looked down upon, and I just have a totally different take on that. And I think as a society, we should just change the way that we view midlife, say like, Hey, I've got a few decades of experience under my belt and I've had a shift in what I think matters most or how I want to go about making connections or making my contribution in the world or leaving my mark.
00:03:42:04 - 00:04:17:11
Emily
And, you know, based on my experience now that I'm in my prime, both mentally and physically and with this wisdom I've gained over time, I've decided I want to go in a new direction or I want to approach things in a little bit different way. And just I just think we can have it be more of a quest like now that I've obtained all of this knowledge and all of these skills and all of these relationships, what more can I do in the world?
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Erik
I, I want to talk about 40 for about 40. So I was in a play in college and one of the lines in the play, it was a comedy in the sort of the stodgy business owner in this place. It was, you know, a man's it was he was complaining about his these two sales clerks that worked in his shop.
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Erik
And he's like, you know, a man's not worth his salt until he's 40. Up until then, you're just paying him to make mistakes.
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Emily
I love that. You know the name of this show? Like, put it in the comments.
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Erik
you're.
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Emily
Watching this on YouTube. You put it in.
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Erik
I won't. Yeah. So anyway, I was like, so we're just figuring a lot of times we're just figuring things out until we're for you. And I think our society in particular kind of celebrates young success. Young Like, if you haven't done it by 40, you're a loser, which is not, which is not true. True, but I.
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Emily
Think not common.
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Erik
We tend to hold up young success people who, you know, have breakthroughs, whether in entertainment or business. If they do it in their twenties and thirties, they're a prodigy. And that's kind of what we we laud when in fact, you know, we're all going along gaining experiences that are going to serve us well. And we have a lot of life in and left in us after we're we're 40.
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Emily
Not even halfway there.
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Erik
Now, you know, and Emily and I say that as we're coming up on 50. And so we I have loved loved my forties.
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Emily
I spent like the best decade yet.
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Erik
Totally and I expect fifties to top it. Yeah. So anyway I went to something else and I was going to I was going to share something else. But anything that you wanted to say about that, the coming up on 40.
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Emily
yeah. Well we, we are born one month apart and so we move through these, these phases and these like social constructs about aging, you know, and together. Together. Yeah, we're always in the same spot. And I agree that 40 has been one of the best decades and I just expect things to keep getting better at 50.
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Emily
And as I meet people who are decades older than me, the ones that I'm most want to imitate or be like are the ones who continue to have something that they're looking forward to, that they're trying to learn that they want to contribute. And there's just so much life. I remember once I was in a I was in a parking lot in Yosemite National Park, and I saw a bumper sticker that said, Live until you Die.
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Emily
And that's how I feel about it.
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Erik
Let's do it.
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Emily
Like, let's just keep living. Let's go like, okay, it's just a number. But we do have a lot of emotions around that number. So tell us about 40.
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Erik
Well, I was going to say before before we hit record, you were talking about the sort of the urge to do like, you know, when you kind of get into life and you're like, you know, I'm not happy with the way things are going. You kind of you compared it to a sugar craving to that. Do you remember from is it from an owner?
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Erik
He said, Donald, okay, Donald Miller is a guy that we.
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Emily
yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. No you're talking about. So I watched this real and Donald Miller is an author and a businessman. He works in marketing and help small businesses.
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Erik
And we're going to meet him one day. Donald, if you're listening to this.
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Emily
If you're friends with Donald Miller, hook up. We want to get together.
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Erik
We look forward to being on your podcast or having you on ours or hanging out. Anyway, sorry.
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Emily
So he made this real and it it said like how to handle a sugar craving. And so you're like, this isn't really his area of expertise, you know, but let's see what he has to say. Nutrition, specialist nutrition is he's not a baker, but he says, here's how you handle sugar craving. You feel like you want to eat a cookie, then eat a cookie, and then the sugar craving goes away.
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Emily
I don't know if that advice will work for every single person, but I kind of think about this what what most people call the midlife crisis similar to that, It's like as you're coming to, you know, in your wisdom, recognize your mortality and how much more important time is than money and that you want to have experiences and adventures and and you maybe don't want to be stuck on a conveyor belt or in a grind, you know, all the way through to the end.
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Emily
And so you have this, this craving to burst out of your comfort zone. The way to handle that and I think we are kind of experts in this area is to actually plan an adventure to do the thing, actually do it, like start by just, you know, small steps, Googling it, scouting trips, whatever. We we talk all about that in our coaching and in our on demand video programs.
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Emily
But I say, yeah, if you're having that urge for adventure plan one, it's good for you. It's showing that you are human and that you're wired for growth and that you want to continue progressing. And I think one of the most awesome things about being a parent of teens and young adults is that as we see them cross that threshold into adulthood and it's a little bit intimidating, but it's also very exciting and their heads might be full of dreams of all the different things they want to do and try.
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Emily
It reminds us how we felt and it brings that all up to the surface for us, which very hot often happens when we're in midlife and like, Wait a minute, I had a whole bunch of dreams too, and I used to feel like anything was possible. And we want to stay so much as possible. That's why we hold these discovery calls to help people figure out what actually is possible for you.
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Emily
Don't don't file it away in the someday, maybe never, you know, filing cabinet.
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Erik
That's like.
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Emily
One.
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Erik
Pursue it someday, Maybe never.
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Emily
Someday, maybe never. Am I right?
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Erik
I think I love what you're saying about how the way to sort of deal with a craving is to just give in to it. In the end. And that might sound really offputting at first, first blush, but this is what I mean by think if you're feeling like you want to change things up in your midlife, do it because.
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Erik
But the law.
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Emily
That explore that at least.
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Erik
But there there are destructive ways and then there are constructive ways to do it. And the cliche is the the guy who hates his job. So he, you know, or he hates his marriage, so he like, goes out and buys a stupid red sports car and he gets a toupee or gets his hair done differently and he ditches his family and finds a new wife and like, just goes off and, like, tries to change it.
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Emily
Like restart the.
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Erik
Whole. Yeah, like he wants to feel young again. So he wants to, you know, have a different different wife and an a fast car and, you know, I'm going to put that in the, in the destructive category because.
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Emily
Could be under certain circumstances.
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Erik
Yeah. You know we're generalizing here. That's a stereotype. And so I'll just say, you know, it changing up your life doesn't mean ditching your family, leaving your marriage and going off and doing, you know, spending your money frivolously on things that you always wanted to do that you never felt like you could there constructive ways. There are ways to have to really, you know, bring your marriage to a new level that it's never been at before to get your health.
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Erik
You talked was I was going to push back a little bit earlier. You're were talking about how you're in your prime, you know, and you come up to 40 and, you know, in your prime physical health. And I'm like, you know.
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Emily
Okay, maybe not everybody's. I was that direction, but it's still a possibility.
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Erik
It is a possibility. And I was not when I you know, when I turned 40 but in my in my 40th year, I got into the best shape of my life accidentally. And that's a whole other story. But just the point that there are you can pivot in a constructive way. And that's what I think that's the magic to say.
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Erik
What are the things like that? What's the cookie that you can eat that's good for you? Yeah, you know, how can you how can you kind of like when I say give in to that craving, do it, but do it in a way that's actually going to be beneficial to you and everyone that you care about.
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Emily
Yeah. Your yourself, your spouse, your family. Like those feelings, like you're having something that you want to look forward to that you can work towards together that will really connect you and say, Hey, maybe my spouse doesn't want to do this same thing, but this is a chance for them to support me as my biggest fan or for me to support them as their biggest fan and and maybe other things have happened.
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Emily
Like you said, maybe you're not physically have the same capabilities that you did when you were younger. Maybe you've had an injury or maybe you've had some kind of health complication that has reduced your physical capacities. And so it's a time to reset, realign, refocus and say like, okay, this is me now. What do I want to aim for and to still be having have some drive, something that you are looking forward to and chasing after.
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Erik
I want to share one example about that. There's there's there's a lady that's going sailing with me that's super cool. It's going to be fun and and her husband, they're happily married, but he doesn't want to go So she's going, she's going to bring somebody else that she wants to travel with. And you know, it's, you know, she's coming with a family member and, and they're going to meet up, you know, afterwards and hang out at the spot that we're going to go sailing.
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Erik
And I just think it was kind of a light bulb moment for her and she's like, you know, we can still be, you know, happily married and and have dreams that are where we can support their different dreams. We can still support each other. And so just that that I think there's a maturity. Midlife crisis doesn't have to be a regression into adolescence.
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Erik
It can be it can be a step forward into a new kind of maturity of pursuing something that that calls to you. And we it doesn't mean throwing caution to the wind. It doesn't mean reckless abandon. It can be it can be positive growth. And so I would just say that, you know, going back to the the stereotype of the cliche, the the stereotype in cliche is a descent, a regression.
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Erik
Whereas the impulse that a midlife crisis comes from can be an opportunity into a more mature, more sophisticated, more capable version of yourself rather than trying to get back to some glory days that you feel like you missed. It can be a step into your best days, to your glorious days or.
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Emily
Yeah, best is yet to come. When you have a growth mindset, the best is always yet to come. And speaking of this woman who has different interests from her husband, she's going to be gone for like a week and when she goes back, it's going to be an experience of revitalization. She's going to inject all of those new experiences into the conversations that she's going to have with her husband, who is so dear to her, and he's going to be so proud of her, but he's going to be glad he didn't go because it's not his thing.
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Emily
And she's going to be closer to this other family member and just it's going to open their eyes up to how they can, you know, support each other and cheer each other on and that they don't have to be the exact same person again. They can have different interests. Even if you've been married for many decades, you can, you know, pursue different interests and that can make your relationship with each other more exciting.
00:16:14:13 - 00:16:32:22
Erik
So as you depending on where you're at in midlife, if you feel if you're coming up on something that feels like a breaking point, a midlife crisis, we would invite you to reframe it as a call to a midlife quest. And where do you want that quest to take you and how can it take you forward instead of backward?
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Erik
Anything else you want to say about?
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Emily
I love that. I'd love to hear your takeaways. If you want to drop them into the comments or share them in you know, your ratings and reviews of the podcast, let us know what has been valuable for you and we always love to end this podcast with the question what could go right? And I want to remind you that one of the answers to that question could be cinnamon rolls to your door.
00:16:59:13 - 00:17:18:04
Emily
If you want to sign up at the Awesome Factory dot NYC forward slash discovery and the link will be in the show notes. Sign up for discovery calls, find out what's possible for you and it might include if you are in the continental U.S. and one of the first ten people to sign up cinnamon cinnamon rolls to your door.
00:17:18:07 - 00:17:27:04
Erik
Cinnamon rolls and sailing. Go to our website forward slash sailing 2024 to get the skinny on sailing this year. So cinnamon rolls and sailing.
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Emily
Yeah, so many fun opportunities if that that could scratch that itch for adventure and growth that you're interested in. Like people are loving these trips and coming away, if not transformed. Some of them definitely transformed, inspired, inspired to pursue transformation of their choosing.
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Erik
And just came up with an even like a third option.
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Emily
00:17:51:21 - 00:17:54:14
Erik
Cinnamon rolls on the sailboat.
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Emily
Well, as the meal planner, I'm going to have to look into that. We'll see what we can do.
00:18:01:03 - 00:18:03:07
Erik
Awesome. Hey, thanks for listening. What could go right?
