ļ»æHey there.
0:01
It's Erik.
0:02
How would you like to travel for a month with your entire family anywhere in the world without
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quitting your job?
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I'd love to show you how.
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That's how Emily and I and our five kids started.
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We would just do these one-month trips that eventually grew to living on a sailboat, including
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our daughter with special needs.
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Once we started to do this we felt like we just found the cheat coat for life, and we'd
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love to share it with you.
0:26
So this is what we do.
0:27
It's called a Discovery Call.
0:30
You book a time for 20-30 minutes.
0:32
It's free.
0:33
We're going to go over three questions, and when we do this you're going to be able to
0:38
launch your first of manyā€”ā€”hopefullyā€”ā€”Family Adventures.
0:42
It does not require you to quit your job.
0:45
All you got to do is go to theawesomefactory.nyc/discovery.
0:50
Pick a time that works for you and we'll get on and we'll get you going.
0:54
Why do I do these for free?
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Because everyone deserves to know what's possible in their life, including you.
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So love to see you there.
1:03
Thanks!
1:04
Figuring out what you really want.
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This is a controversial part of the self-help slash personal development industry at large.
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Like, is this selfish or is this the best thing that you can do for yourself and the
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people you love?
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We're gonna get into it today on the What Could Go Right podcast.
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Hi, I'm Emily Orton.
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I am Erik Orton.
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And on this podcast, we talk about personal growth, family connections, and raising adult
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kids.
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All right, so to dive into this, we wanna talk about something that Emily and I loved
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What we called the Blue Sky Questions.
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If you've been around us for a while, you'll know that these questions came to us when
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we worked with the coach for the very first time, many, many moons ago.
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And it wasn't until several years on that we looked back and we were able to trace a
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lot of the things that we were really happy about in our lives back to answering these
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original questions.
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And so they were profound for me and they were profound for you.
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And it changed our whole family.
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Yeah.
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And so we want to share some of these with you, but first we want to talk about their
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purpose and, and why they matter.
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And it's this: because so often we live our lives based on Leaning it leaning into expectations
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that other people have for us.
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Or that we think that they have for us, that we imagine they have for us.
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Fair point.
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So this could be an employer.
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We think they want us to go a certain track or they do want us to go a certain track.
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And so we live out a career that follows that track.
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Or we think our spouse wants us to be a certain way or our parents want us to study a certain
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subject or top, you know, major in college or pick a certain career.
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What are some other examples?
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Taking on responsibilities.
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Like what...
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culturally can say like what we value like well, I'm supposed to want a bigger house
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and a fancier car or I'm supposed to want (I actually do want a fancier car.
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I'm...
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It's good to know what you actually want and why you want that and maybe like I'm supposed
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to go on exotic vacations, like we love to travel but guess what?
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Some people really just love to be in their home and be community builders and so there
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are all different kinds of things that we want or that we love or that nourish us or
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that we're particularly gifted or called to participate in.
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Yeah, I think these expectations can come from our church community.
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I know that I've felt a lot of that.
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I think that they can come from just the country that we live in, that this is just how we
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do things.
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And for us, that's the United States of America.
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And that changes.
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You know, my mom's from Finland.
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There are different expectations in Finland about how you get educated, how you work,
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how you do your laundry, any little thing.
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And so what I think, again, we're gonna get back to these blue sky questions, but the
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reason they're important is because so often we don't even realize how many layers of expectations
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are covering up perhaps what we really truly value, what we really want.
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And so...
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First step, how do we identify those layers and then how do we start to peel them back
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so that we can get to our true, honest, sincere heart.
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And part of this process is not because we want to disregard the good intentions or the
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love of the people around us or the good that our community has built up, but just because
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we just want to be, I kind of hate to say this, you know, we want to get genuine and
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authentic and...
4:57
And if we can do that, then we can come and connect with our family, our spouse, our community,
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our church, our co-workers.
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We can actually connect and contribute in a better, more energized, authentic way if
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we know who we really are.
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And so the goal is to actually engage more meaningfully, not cut ourselves off.
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You were going to say something?
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Yeah, I really like what you were saying, all of that stuff.
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I will push back a little bit on the word "authentic."
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Because just making sure we're all talking about the same thing.
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So many times that word is used to mean however I feel right now.
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Whether it's being like rude or whatever and feelings, those come and go and they're a
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little ephemeral to count on as a source of identity.
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But I like the way Seth Godin talks about it.
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He's a multi New York Times bestseller, many, many times over... thinker.
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And he talks about it as being like who we choose to be.
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And so that's why when we get deliberate and we reflect on what actually matters to us,
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it may be that many of the things we are in alignment with, so many of the expectations,
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for example, of my faith, I'm actually in alignment with.
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And those things bring me genuine joy and growth.
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And so that's fine, but what I don't wanna do is just automatically be like, well, whatever
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you say or you say, that's...you know, exactly what I'm gonna do.
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It's me being at the helm of my own life and saying, yeah, I'm taking your input and I'm
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deciding I agree with that.
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And I wanna do that also.
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Or I don't agree with that.
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Or I feel like there's maybe another way to get to a similar outcome that I feel better
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about.
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So that's one of the things I wanted to say about that.
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If this is about you choosing, and I really don't think that you can come into a conversation
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or an honest collaboration with the people you're doing life with, whether that's your
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husband or your wife or your kids or your parents or your best friend or your sibling,
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like whoever it is that is most important in your life, you can't come to collaboration
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honestly if you haven't figured out what you actually want.
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And it can kind of build in these layers of resentment.
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And that's what we find is that a lot of times people haven't considered this at all.
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They just kind of accepted the current of the drift that they were in, didn't reflect
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on it and, and make the decision to move in that direction.
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And then they, then they get down the road a couple of decades and are wondering, how
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did I get here and why am I here?
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And this isn't bringing about the outcomes that I was promised or that I expected.
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And, and now I, I want to make a shift.
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That's what we find in our in our coaching when we're talking to people.
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Yeah, and I just want to reiterate what I think you were saying earlier, which is it's
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not about just saying, oh, these are all the expectations that I've been sort of, that
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I just sort of assumed into my life.
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And so therefore I'm going to cast them off and go in the opposite direction.
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That's sort of, I think that's a lot of how teenage years get stereotyped.
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They're like, oh, well if... if there's a rule placed on you, whatever the rule is,
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you're gonna rebel against it.
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Because a lot of those rules are great.
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And a lot of the expectations that are given to us are actually really helpful and they
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guide us.
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And so it's not about just being rebellious and juvenile, but it's saying, oh, you know
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what?
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I've taken stock of all the expectations that I feel on me in my life.
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And I actually agree with about 85% of them.
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It could be a very high number, or it's like, I actually realized that very few of these
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are what I want.
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It doesn't matter, but it's not about just rebelling against whatever they are.
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It's about saying, taking an honest self-inventory.
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And either way, it's empowering, because suddenly you realize, oh, I'm not just doing this because
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somebody else suggested it.
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I have reflected on it and I'm choosing this.
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And then you get ownership of the direction you're going.
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Yeah, for sure.
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So, that's a good spot.
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All right, so let's get in.
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We're not gonna give you a rundown of all the questions.
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It's a lengthier list.
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And when we coach with people, we actually do go through the whole thing.
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And there's...
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This is...
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We spend a lot of time here and I love doing it because when we get this right, every it's
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foundational.
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Everything after this becomes so effortless and exciting and energizing.
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And it's, and you may need to do it more than once.
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So what you, when you get it right for the season, then right now you may.
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five years later or 10 years down the road, it's time for me to do that.
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Exercise again.
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Yeah, I've done these multiple times.
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So just to tell you my first experience, when I got these questions, I sat down on my laptop
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and I wrote out a hundred answers for each of these questions.
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I kind of like a list form, but anyway, sorry, we're not actually giving you the questions.
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Here's one of them.
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What would you do if money were no object?
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You could afford whatever it is that you want in life.
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You have the resources.
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What would you do?
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I dare you to take the time to answer this question for as long as you have ideas popping
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into your head.
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Like I said, I wrote down a hundred things and I probably could have gone longer.
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And that was a list from 15 years ago.
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I wouldn't write the same list now.
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I've done a lot of those things now.
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Well, a lot, because a lot of them have been crossed off, which is crazy.
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I'm telling you, just simply by writing it down, the chances of it actually happening
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in your life are exponential.
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So, you care for what you wish for, but have fun with this.
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So take the time and just answer the question, what would I do if money were no object?
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See where that one goes.
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One of my favorite ones is, what would I do if I wasn't afraid?
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And that fear can have any different flavor you like, you know, whether it was insecurity
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or whatever it might be.
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If I wasn't afraid, what would I do?
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And for me, I had a great experience with this and Erik and I were learning how to sail.
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We did not know how to sail, but we were taking a class and we were on a really big boat and
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I was so anxious because prior to this, not only did I not know how to sail, but I was
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afraid of deep water.
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I was afraid of the deep end of swimming pool.
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I didn't swim in lakes.
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I didn't go in the ocean.
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I was 35 years old and I was pretty happy with that situation.
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But on this trip, I had been left behind once already while everyone else went snorkeling
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and this was not the second time it was happening and I just finally decided, I'm just gonna
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try getting in the water and see what happens.
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It's basically like kicking the tires on my fear.
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And I was so surprised because while I was scared for the first several minutes and that
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adrenaline kind of fueled my speed in swimming to meet up with the group, once I got to the
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reef and I saw the fish and I was just so enchanted by this underwater world, I forgot
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about my fears.
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And this fear that I thought was so powerful actually just melted away.
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And it changed my relationship to fear.
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And now that I'm not afraid, I go in the deep end of the swimming pool.
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I love to swim.
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I got scuba certified and I am not a great surfer, but I love to paddle out and I'm learning
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how to catch waves.
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And occasionally I can even stand up on the board and I just think it's so engaging and
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so much fun.
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And that is one of the things that would have probably gone on my list.
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I was so afraid of deep water that I never even considered any of those options.
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But if I wasn't afraid, and I am now living some of those things that, because the fear
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is not an obstacle for me anymore.
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So that's one of my favorite questions on the list.
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So yeah, take the time to answer that question.
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What would I do if I wasn't afraid?
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And take stock of what- what in the fear might be, well, I'm afraid
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I wouldn't be able to pay for that.
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Or I'm afraid that if I did that, my spouse would think I was silly or my parents would
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disapprove or whatever it is.
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And we're not talking about like going out and just picking scandalous, terrible, degenerate
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behavior.
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But what are things that would be truly inspiring, truly energizing that you just feel reluctant
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to do because some fear, the fear of failure perhaps, is what's holding you back.
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And when you just say all that fear is off the table for now, what would it be?
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So that's one.
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Yeah, I think those are two great ones, especially in the United States.
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Those are some of our big ones, and especially in this digital world.
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Everybody's watching everybody.
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I mean, each of these have been so influential in my life, but I'll share one more, which
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is, "What would you do if you knew you would succeed?"
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A lot of people say, well, oh, I don't want to start a business because the, you know,
14:30
the percentages of businesses that fail or I don't want to pursue.
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Um, I don't want to be an author.
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I don't want to pursue music because the odds of that working out are so low.
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And you decide to do something a little bit more conservative, you know, or more, you
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know, statistically more likely to happen.
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I'm asking you to set, set the statistics aside for whatever it is that you want to
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do, just assume that the number is.
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100%.
14:53
If you attempt this thing...it's 100% certain that it will happen.
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It's really hard to let your brain go there because we automatically start to talk about
15:06
all the reasons it won't work out.
15:07
We come up with what could go wrong.
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I get that.
15:10
We're just asking, it's a game.
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It truly is a game to let your head go to a place and just say, assume that the percentage
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or likelihood for success is 100%.
15:21
If you knew you would succeed, what would you do?
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I dare you to write out the answers to that question.
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It's challenging, but it's super fun.
15:30
Yeah, so each of these questions is actually designed to try to peel away some of those
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different layers of expectation or self-filtering that we might subconsciously have in place.
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And so they each kind of come at it from a different angle.
15:44
And these are three of the favorites and I will share with you today.
15:49
I just wanna...
15:51
A couple of examples because I've been on some discovery calls with people lately and
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they and they've been sharing with me some of the things that hold them back.
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So a discovery call is when you schedule an appointment with us and we talk about what
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maybe some of your answers are to these questions and your kind of pros at possibility we can
16:10
help you see what's actually possible and encourage you to make those things happen.
16:15
Yeah so I just want to go back because different people have said you know on the Discovery
16:21
Calls for circumstances beyond their control.
16:25
They find themselves in situations that they don't consider ideal.
16:33
Their siblings have put expectations on them, or their parents, or their lack of parents,
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for I don't know how else to say that, have put expectations on them.
16:46
And so these are very real.
16:50
These pressures and these constraints that we put on ourselves, I know where they come
16:58
from, because we talk with people on the regular that are experiencing them.
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And so, in addressing that, I'm not trying to make light of them.
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It's because they're so prevalent, they're so pervasive, and they're so powerful.
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That's why sometimes we need help getting out of them.
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We need somebody with an outside perspective to help us see it for what it is because we're
17:21
so trapped in our own little, you know, in our own perspective.
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And so if you have these things in your life.
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Don't feel guilty about them.
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Don't feel ashamed about them.
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There's nothing wrong with having them.
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We all just need some help getting out from underneath them and we love to do it.
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We love to do it.
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It fills us up.
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Yeah, we like to make this safe space to come and like show your cards.
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And so like we're really thinking because we have had the opportunity to make some of
17:54
our quote unquote crazy dreams actually come true individually and as a whole family.
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And we've seen how it's just opened up our life to be more.
18:07
It just feels like we're more at liberty to pursue opportunities or say, well, we could
18:14
try that because we can actually do that.
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And it's been a great example for our kids because they are now pursuing that same course
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of action where they, they are peeling back the layers and saying, oh, I can at least
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check it out.
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I can at least try it.
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I can at least click on get more information or go to the place or ask a question.
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I'm not gonna like stop myself from pursuing this idea before I even look into it and begin.
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And so we want that for you.
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We've seen people do things they're really happy about in their lives.
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So we were originally talking about getting to know what it is that you personally want
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so that you can come to collaboration from a more honest place.
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So these questions are definitely for us have been the most powerful way to go about that.
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You answer them privately.
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And then if you're in relationship, if you're in a marriage, you can have your spouse could
19:13
do the exact same thing.
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And then when you come together, you can share what each of your dreams are.
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And we're gonna talk about that because oftentimes they overlap and oftentimes they don't.
19:26
And the ones that overlap, that's a little bit easier.
19:28
If they don't, we're gonna talk about that in the next episode, so tune in for that.
19:32
But just take away this.
19:34
What would you do if money were no object?
19:38
What would you do if you weren't afraid?
19:40
What would you do if you knew you would succeed?
19:42
Encourage you to answer these questions.
19:44
There's more, but that's a good place to start.
19:47
And just know that when you're able to get in touch with the things that really matter
19:50
to you, you're gonna show up better in your relationship with yourself, with your spouse,
19:56
with your kids, and everybody else in your life, because you're gonna be coming from
19:59
a better place that's gonna help you connect more closely with them.
20:02
So thank you for listening.
20:04
What could go right?
20:06
Talk to you again soon.
20:08
Hey there.
20:09
It's Erik.
20:10
So this is what we do.
20:11
It's called a Discovery Call.
20:12
You book a time for 20-30 minutes.
20:15
It's free.
20:16
We're going to go over three questions, and when we do this you're going to be able to
20:21
launch your first of manyā€”ā€”hopefullyā€”ā€”Family Adventures.
20:25
It does not require you to quit your job.
20:27
All you got to do is go to theawesomefactory.nyc/discovery.
20:33
Pick a time that works for you and we'll get on and we'll get you going.
20:37
Because everyone deserves to know what's possible in their life, including you.
20:41
So love to see you there.
