Hey, there. Welcome to the What Could Go Right? podcast. I am Erik Orton and this is our first
interview. Emily and I decided to make it really easy and just talk to some of our dear
friends who are on the they're on the coast a remote area of the coast of Costa Rica.
The audio isn't awesome and the video gets worse as the sun sets on their side but it
is a great conversation. York and Jayne are parents to four adult kids and we get into
the nitty-gritty of what it means to pull off a few dreams as husband and wife. And
these two have also become masters of what we call Mini- Retirement. So thanks for joining
us. This is part one. Alright, so –Hey, everybody. Welcome to the podcast. We're excited
to have Jayne and York Young on the podcast / vodcast coming to us live from Costa Rica.
Right? Yes. What city in Costa Rica? What town? A little town called Guiones. Awesome.
Okay, so you're on the coast. We saw earlier a little view of your shoulder of the bay
which looks gorgeous. So, okay, so we've been friends for over a decade and you guys have
been on some amazing adventures. You've gone through what Emily and I would describe as
a big transformation. When you met when we met you York you were working as a defense
contractor doing laser systems I believe for and you were living in New Hampshire. Jayne
you were running a very successful piano studio and you guys had your four kids at home – two
girls two boys. And I don't know if you had them at the time but you eventually had chickens
and kind of this cool sort of like mini-farm going on. And then since then you've started
a yoga studio in New Hampshire. You've trained and certified all kinds of yoga instructors.
York you changed careers and you're now teaching physics at the University level. And you both
together have hiked El Camino in Spain. York you've got a book. Remind me the working title?
2:04 York’s Book, “Ridiculously Okay”
Yeah, so it is it will come out this year. It is called "Ridiculously Okay." "Ridiculously
Okay." I know and he was kind enough to let Emily and I read some advanced manuscripts
of that. So we'll ask you some questions about that and then recently, Jayne and York, you
guys you were the CEO of the yoga studio correct, Jayne? Uh-huh. And you guys sold that studio.
And we're gonna ask about that. Your.. all your kids have moved out. You now live in
the Rocky Mountains of Utah. Your daughters are married and you've become grandparents.
And so now you're just hanging out splitting your time between Utah and Costa Rica. And
any big highlights that I missed or did I kind of catch the main points? You got the
main points. And it all sounds dreamy and I would say and there's a lot of like other
stuff in between all that that isn't so romantic. And that's what we're gonna get into – the
in between stuff. So okay so that's a lot and so what I'd love you to do is that's been
over the course of what 10 years because I would say actually one of the first things
we did is we all went sailing together in the British Virgin Islands. And we knew you
a little bit before then but that's where we really got to spend some quality time together.
And so a lot's happened in the past decade that we've been friends. So I'd love for you
to pick out some of your favorite moments on this journey and just unpack a little bit
3:30 Favorite vs Most Impactful
how those moments and those transformations came to be. Do you mean just favorite moments
or like most impactful moments that are not always the favorite? That's up to you. Yeah,
you can take your pick. I'll ask you the hard questions later if you don't pick them for
so I'll I'll go first and along the lines of this discussion of just kind of transformation
and how change comes about. I think all change and all ideas it starts with a tiny idea,
right? And then it slowly grows into something bigger and then it will happen or not happen.
So the big change – one of the big changes we made was we moved from New Hampshire to
the West. And that was a huge change because both of us are from the East Coast. We had
a home that we loved and it put a lot of effort and time into making it the place that we
wanted to live forever. And that we wanted to have our kids come home to and our grandkids
come home to. And that was really the vision that I think both of us shared for many years.
And in.. think it was about seven years ago we started to get this idea of moving West.
4:47 Our Life Could Be Different
And so that started this kind of opening of, 'Oh, our life could be different than what
it currently is right now.' And could we just imagine and be be open to the possibility
that it it could look different and be different. So I think that was really the beginning at
least for me of being open to a big change, and moving away from something that was known,
and that was secure, and that was stable. And then I would say almost the rest is history.
Kind of for me from that beginning of –oh this idea of moving West. And then being with
it and being open to it and then so much followed from that. Now there were other changes that
happened. York had some changes as well but that I would say that was a big contribution.
So just kind of saying, 'Hey, this is the life we know and love and maybe it could look
different than it currently does.' Yeah, and that came out of the blue for us and it took
some faith and courage to lean into that idea. That possibility. Yeah, kind of a fun story
around that is when so we met in college out west and when we left there – as we were
literally driving only 20 minutes on Route 80 heading east Jayne said, "Promise me we
will never move back here again." I didn't I didn't I was like oh, didn't realize you
didn't like it so much here. But I didn't, I didn't promise. I don't remember taking
you know pinky swearing or whatever but you know fast forward to about the time you met
us not too, not too much time had gone by either before or after we met you about 10
years ago, and Jayne said, "I feel like we're gonna move west." And I about fell off my
bench because I thought, 'Wait a second this is startling because this is coming from the
same person that made me promise we would never go back there again. And what was alarming
is maybe this is this is an idea from Source and therefore must be taken seriously. Or
whether I like it or not, it may just happen. And so yeah, I think I love how Jayne talked
about we we really did pursue a dream of building that home in Amherst, New Hampshire. And I
think this is just a great reminder that life is about growth. And if you achieve a
dream watch out there the Universe might have yet another in store for you. And I don't
think either of us were really that excited about moving West we just kept feeling – I
7:41 The Divine Poke
call it the Divine poke. And this kind of just kind of this comforting feeling that
we, that maybe our original plan just stay there forever and ever in Happy Happy Land,
right, it wasn't wasn't to be.
Well let's go back because I feel like there was a lot that happened before you guys moved
to Utah. We went sailing. We had a great time and then I remember sitting in a diner with
you in, oh, remind me the name of the town. Is this in New York? This isn't. Sorry, this
is a New Hampshire. Yeah, Manchester. All right. Manchester. Yeah. Yeah. So we're in
New Hampshire. We're in Manchester and we're sitting at a booth and we're and we're talking
about your yoga studio. Because you just you've recently come full circle. You just sold your
business what a couple weeks ago? Recently. So yeah, talk to us about that because you
were working you were doing two totally different things each of you – defense contracting
and running a piano studio. And talk a little bit about where this idea for a yoga studio
came from and how that started to unfold and like what stage of life you were at I think
as well, which I think is important. Yeah. No that is a good question.
8:59 Relationship Shifts as Kids Grow Up
Yeah, so basically we had two of our children had moved out. And we had our sons with us
and they were both in high school so it did feel like it was a time where I had more bandwidth
to devote to something outside of the kids in the home which had been my my main priority.
So there was something opening up up there in terms of just more more energy available
for for me to pursue something. And then I think there was a combination of things that
really got that ball rolling. In terms of we were really interested and passionate about
yoga. We loved it. We were interested in business and starting a business. And I I know for
York he wanted to do something that was contributing at a deeper level to humanity in the world.
and that checked that box. And then there was –we felt like there was – an unmet
need in the area. So there were a lot of things combining to to bring this idea forth and
and to have it be like, 'Yes. This is, this is a go and we'll will pursue this." Yeah,
all of those things are true and sound good and romantic but I know there was somewhere
in your your hints Erik that you wanted to get raw and real. So in part of Jane's yoga
path she had been going to retreats and trainings in Sedona. And again in light of all those
10:36 Fear of Parallel Lives
other things I also will be honest and say I was starting to feel afraid that Jayne was
leaving or gonna live a parallel life. And that I was going to be in this day job and
she would be living this exciting new life. And so I think that you know not all beautiful
efforts are born pure or out of all pure starts. You know even Jesus didn't have an earthly
father so the neighbors were thinking that was a scandal, right, so. Yeah. And so I think
I to be fair and bless Jayne's heart – this is one of the reasons it's probably a celebratory
moment to have sold Sol Power Yoga – is in my fear and worry, I think I put a lot
of pressure on Jayne to start a yoga studio so that I could be involved and be part of
that, right, and be part of her her life rather than feel left behind. Now, I'm not proud
of that. I mean sometimes even still ashamed of that. And yeah, beautiful beautiful beautiful
things came out of Sol Power Yoga it has been an immense vessel for growth. Not just for
us –more for us than anybody else – but for so so many people. So but the next endeavor
won't have that dark thread of unhealthy fear-laden spousal pressure this time. And so that's
one reason we're really excited. I think that's a really good point that you're making though,
12:14 The Importance of Knowing What You Want
York and I think that happens a lot of times. That's why when we're doing the coaching with
people and we kind of go through the Blue Sky questions where we say, like, or ask the
questions to to open up the possibilities for you as an individual, we say, 'Don't think
about what it is that your spouse wants. Don't think about what your kids want. Don't think
about, you know maybe, what your religious community – you think they want of you – you
know. Just like setting all of that aside so that you can come to the table with your
honest desires that haven't been colored. And I know even with us, because when you
have a desire that you think might create distance between you and your spouse, or like
you said you that you're like, 'I want to do this just so I can be close to you,' which
you know can can seem noble but you, you know yourself the best. But I know we even had
a conversation recently where Erik was like, 'Well, I didn't really know how to say this
because if I take this path that's like you can't go there.' And I'm like, 'That's fine.
We don't have to go all the same places all the time.' I know. I see in, you know, as
I look back, it was somewhat controlling. You know, a lot of not nice things. Things
you don't want spouses to do. and I I was doing some of that. I I think it's maybe maybe
a great moment to say, too, I think one of the greatest motivations for transformation
– or let's just be real and just call it just change, right. One of the greatest motivations
for change – and this was certainly true for me in the last eight to ten years – is
suffering. You're just feeling unhappy. And that the happy-go-lucky path and methods and
approaches and everything that would work so well to build a beautiful life for decades
and decades that had worked very wonderfully just suddenly was not landing anymore. And
we were on vacation on the West Coast of Mexico. And and Jayne was really graceful. She's like,
14:15 It’s Okay to Learn From Unhappy Feelings
'It's, it's okay.' I say, 'I just, I should be happy and I'm not.' And she's like, 'It's
okay. Just listen to that. Let that percolate.' You know, this is kind of the big – we've
been doing yoga for four or five years and just dialing into being courageous enough
to listen to your feelings and really let them speak is what I think holds us a lot
of us back from from making important changes if it's not the exterior fears of the peer
thing around us, too. Well I think going back to what you're saying earlier or your earlier,
York, is that you tapped into something where you're saying, Jane you're saying, 'Hey, I've
got some bandwidth. Kids are starting to leave the house. You know, my load is kind of easing
up.' And your lives are starting to you know kind of like turn turn more parallel rather
than being unified. And we had a conversation, we had a conversation recently with um one
of our colleagues and he was telling us that one of the three main reasons that people
get divorced is, One, you know, they fight over money. Two there's a death of a child.
And three is the kids move out. Because over the years you just sort of lose track of each
other –we all tend to – as we're busy in the years of raising kids and and it's
very easy to slip into this kind of parallel life. And and I think in some ways it was,
you might have done something very wise to say, 'You know, hey, we recognize that we're
coming to this intersection where our kids are going to be leaving and we don't have
as much in common as we used to. And so how can we create something that will give us
some common ground and some reasons to really dig in and work together and go through something
together?' And and you might say that that's sort of a dark thread but I also think it
might be you know showing a lot of foresight. I agree because it did just that. You know,
we did we did have to work together. And we did for the first time I think have to really
16:23 We Had to Learn to Work Together on a Whole New Level
learn to work together. Okay. Advise and listen to each other. Yeah, not overstep bounds and
roles and responsibilities in a different capacity than just raising children. Yeah,
it challenged us on a whole new level. Where did you find yourselves getting tripped up?
Where did you, you know, where were because you said, you know, you work through some
things but where were those tension points that kind of like brought like, 'Hey, this
is we're not good at this' – and you've gotten good at it but like – what can you
share an example of that? Yeah, was it like role clarity or yeah, what kind of things?
I mean just jealousy for me, right. So I can you know put pressure on Jayne, 'Let's do
17:03 It Was Horrible
this,' And then I still have a day job. And so she's thinking you know it was it was horrible
actually. So so she's thinking she's thinking, 'I didn't really want to do this. I just,
I didn't want the stress of running a yoga studio. I just wanted to teach yoga as a teacher,'
right? And then I'm at work thinking, 'I'm stuck in this boring day job that's that's
not helping people be live happier lives and Jayne's getting to do all this, you know,
interaction with the clients.' And, right? And so I was I was jealous. And so I was always
kind of you know coming home and working on it in the evening. And working on stuff that
wasn't necessarily clearly defined yet but that she was thinking probably was hers and
probably should have been hers, right? And I was working. I'm already a person that can
work too much. Jayne can can attest to that. And so I was, you know, every waking moment
I was working on this part and that part and this part. And trying to stay relevant and
engaged. It was, it was horrible. And Jayne began to see Sol Power Yoga as my mistress,
right? So not only had I horribly kind of pushed this job on her that she didn't necessarily
want, or worse CEO role, right, but then I was always you know trying to take it when
I could. Or wasn't just taking time to go on walks and talk. And so it was it was really
bad. For a while – probably a year and a half to two. Well, I mean we did talk. We
did have like, 'Hey, we got to define this. We got to stop. You can't keep doing this.'
I mean a lot of tears. A lot of crying. A lot of talking. And a lot of growing, right.
A lot of growing. We were both exploding expanding individually. I love this phrase that we counseled.
18:59 You Gotta Be Careful
We chose a wise counselor in a religious leader named, David Holland. He said something. He
really recognized a handful of things. So York's going through this personal revolution.
Great. And all the kids are leaving the nest. So Jayne is probably feeling pretty darn abandoned
if not freaked out by, 'Who's this guy I married? He's changing really fast.' And so he really
pointed that out. And pointed out to me like, 'you gotta be careful.' He had counsel for
Jayne too but one of the things he said that was really beautiful was, 'It's going to take
time for the language to catch up with the growth in your relationship." Meaning the
way of talking about it or talking to each other. Yeah. Yeah. And even understanding
and expressing. Yeah. Even understanding. Like it would have been so helpful if I could
have said to Jayne in that time, 'I'm jealous of your roles in Sol Power Yoga because it's
my baby, too.' You know. And that "my baby, too" came up all the time.
20:02 Hiking El Camino
And I think and if if you want to use this as a segue this is where El Camino was beautifully
wonderful, right? And so crazy difficult. I do actually because you wrote a book called,
Ridiculously Okay." And and we had the opportunity to read it. And that's where, you know, you
first shared some of these these struggles. And I remember I remember one of the great
scenes from that like something about. You would.. You thought you're going to stop somewhere
for the night and it turned out that you couldn't stop there. And I laughed out loud when you
said, and Jayne..we just kept walking on the road giving me the the one, the one finger
salute. I remember that, too. Such a great line. That's everyone's favorite part. Yeah.
Oh, sorry, Jayne. We just I just loved how candid you were. And you're like, 'look I'm
mad. I'm pissed off.' Yeah. And I think that's great. Yeah, I'm too tired to talk but, yeah.
It was like you couldn't step away from the wrestle. Yeah. No we had to go an extra one
and a half miles to get the other side of town. And so I'm like – I mean our feet
are throbbing I had been a little nauseous earlier the day and I'm trying to dig deep
and just be peppy – and I say something positive. And she was just like. She's like
I am not having that. You are not gonna cheer me up. Chipper. Oh baby. I'm gonna own my
emotions. Okay, so yeah. You know, talk to us a little bit about how that experience
played into your transformation because now you're sort of in the middle years of owning
Sol Power Yoga. Is that right? Yeah. I mean and you're and you're able to you have it
up and running well enough that you're able to step away. Other people are able to run
the classes. You're able to cross the Atlantic Ocean. And you can just be gone for a few
weeks. And the business takes care of itself. And you're able to have some time together
doing something pretty pretty focused and turns out to be pretty Illuminating. So Jayne,
21:52 El Camino Takeaways
I'd love to hear from you some of your main takeaways from this experience. Great. And
I also want to add that that wouldn't have happened if so many other things hadn't happened
Okay, I mean in terms of just deciding to pull our roots from New Hampshire, to take
the step to open a business, to working on our relationships. Like that because that
took some courage, too, to to go and try and hike 500 miles in you know 25 days. 25 days.
Yeah which is kind of outside of our scope of possibility five years before that. We
just didn't think we were that type of people that..
So I think the cool thing is that these these choices that, again took courage to make and
to fulfill on, opened up the possibility of how we saw our lives, how we saw our lives
together, and what we saw we could do. So that all happened before we got on the plane.
Just that you'd open yourself up to the possibilities and you're like, 'Hey we're the kind of people
that can do this sort of thing so..' Or at least try. We're gonna attempt it. Yeah, and
23:09 Talking About It vs Doing It
I always say and I always say this to York, 'It's one thing to talk about doing something
and it's entirely
another thing to actually do it. And the doing of it is very hard. And it's not glamorous.
And it's not romantic. And I know you guys know all about that. There's like there's
a lot of just grind in the actual doing and fulfilling your dreams. Yeah. We remember
going to your yoga studio when it was just a shell nothing had been built out and then
coming back when it was.. Beautiful. Beautiful. And doing yoga with you there and then you
know having done a fair bit of camping and hiking ourselves knowing that 500 miles is
no joke. It's no joke so that's a serious hike. Ours is usually, rock climbing and Erik
pick a route and get
a rope fixed at the top because he's a much better climber than me. And I'll look and
I'll be like, 'Oh, it looks great. Like looks like there's a ton of holds – places to
put my hands and feet. And this is going to be really fun. And then as soon as I'm in
the harness and I'm actually the one who's climbing, I'm like, 'I I can't see anywhere.
I can't move.' You know, so I know, I know that feeling. I can't imagine doing it all
day every day where it's one thing to say, 'Yeah I rock climb,' and it's an entirely
other thing to actually do it and to face the fear and to manage the physical challenge
of it and the mental challenge of it. It's like a whole different world. Yeah. Like surfing
is another good analogy, right? [24.38 sound cuts out until 25:08]
in 15 minutes for maybe two good rides and I call myself a surfer? But the answer is,
yes! because that's what surfing is, right? That's the grind. That's the that's the pain.
That's the agony. But it's not trivial. I know you guys know. What's your favorite quote
25:25 Loving the Hard Part
about surfing, Emily, that you heard? Oh, if you want to be a surfer you have to love
paddling. That's what I heard early on and I was like, "I can do that part."
Yeah we only we only see the clips of you know the five percent or two percent of the
time when surfers are actually up on their board. I would say if you want to surf you
have to be okay with water up your nose. Water up your nose. You gotta be okay with that.
You've got to love the taste of salt and you've gotta you gotta like bruises and. Yeah. It's
like, it's like if you want to live on a sailboat you got to be okay getting seasick every now
and then. Yeah, I really think with the surfing you know how cool do I feel when I do get
handed my board back by a wave and and like I get a bruise from the fins on because it
ran over me or something I'm like, 'Yes, because I was going for it you know.' Hardcore, Emily.
I'm always like so proud of myself that I, you know, have these bruises and scrapes from
my surf attempts. Yeah. No just a lot out there. Do you want to go back to El Camino?
Yeah, yeah. Talk about.. Let's talk about El Camino. So What's the question again? Just,
you know how did that. You're in the middle of owning a business. You've been you know
kind of colliding as husband and wife after years of sort of – not not divergent paths
–but just not really involved in each other's lives in the way that you might have wanted
to be. And now you're in the thick of running a business together. And you say we can, we
see ourselves as the kind of people that can break away. First of all, we've got our business
to the point where we can step away and it'll run itself. And we can go do this thing that
we probably never would have seen ourselves doing before. Now we're gonna go do a 500
Mile pilgrimage across northern Spain and and and what came out of that? We'll leave
it there for now. We'll pick it up and take it to the conclusion on the next episode.
So be sure to subscribe and follow so you don't miss out on next week's episode and
future episodes as they come out. Because we're going to get into the thick of really
being honest with each other as we work on Big Dreams as husband and wife. So look forward
to seeing you on the next episode. Thanks.