Hey, there. Welcome to the What Could Go Right? podcast. I am Erik Orton and this is our first
0:06
interview. Emily and I decided to make it really easy and just talk to some of our dear
0:10
friends who are on the they're on the coast a remote area of the coast of Costa Rica.
0:17
The audio isn't awesome and the video gets worse as the sun sets on their side but it
0:22
is a great conversation. York and Jayne are parents to four adult kids and we get into
0:28
the nitty-gritty of what it means to pull off a few dreams as husband and wife. And
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these two have also become masters of what we call Mini- Retirement. So thanks for joining
0:38
us. This is part one. Alright, so –Hey, everybody. Welcome to the podcast. We're excited
0:43
to have Jayne and York Young on the podcast / vodcast coming to us live from Costa Rica.
0:51
Right? Yes. What city in Costa Rica? What town? A little town called Guiones. Awesome.
0:58
Okay, so you're on the coast. We saw earlier a little view of your shoulder of the bay
1:02 Backstory
which looks gorgeous. So, okay, so we've been friends for over a decade and you guys have
1:10
been on some amazing adventures. You've gone through what Emily and I would describe as
1:14
a big transformation. When you met when we met you York you were working as a defense
1:20
contractor doing laser systems I believe for and you were living in New Hampshire. Jayne
1:26
you were running a very successful piano studio and you guys had your four kids at home – two
1:31
girls two boys. And I don't know if you had them at the time but you eventually had chickens
1:36
and kind of this cool sort of like mini-farm going on. And then since then you've started
1:45
a yoga studio in New Hampshire. You've trained and certified all kinds of yoga instructors.
1:51
York you changed careers and you're now teaching physics at the University level. And you both
1:57
together have hiked El Camino in Spain. York you've got a book. Remind me the working title?
2:04 York’s Book, “Ridiculously Okay”
Yeah, so it is it will come out this year. It is called "Ridiculously Okay." "Ridiculously
2:10
Okay." I know and he was kind enough to let Emily and I read some advanced manuscripts
2:13
of that. So we'll ask you some questions about that and then recently, Jayne and York, you
2:18
guys you were the CEO of the yoga studio correct, Jayne? Uh-huh. And you guys sold that studio.
2:25
And we're gonna ask about that. Your.. all your kids have moved out. You now live in
2:30
the Rocky Mountains of Utah. Your daughters are married and you've become grandparents.
2:35
And so now you're just hanging out splitting your time between Utah and Costa Rica. And
2:44
any big highlights that I missed or did I kind of catch the main points? You got the
2:48
main points. And it all sounds dreamy and I would say and there's a lot of like other
2:53
stuff in between all that that isn't so romantic. And that's what we're gonna get into – the
2:59
in between stuff. So okay so that's a lot and so what I'd love you to do is that's been
3:05
over the course of what 10 years because I would say actually one of the first things
3:10
we did is we all went sailing together in the British Virgin Islands. And we knew you
3:15
a little bit before then but that's where we really got to spend some quality time together.
3:20
And so a lot's happened in the past decade that we've been friends. So I'd love for you
3:24
to pick out some of your favorite moments on this journey and just unpack a little bit
3:30 Favorite vs Most Impactful
how those moments and those transformations came to be. Do you mean just favorite moments
3:35
or like most impactful moments that are not always the favorite? That's up to you. Yeah,
3:42
you can take your pick. I'll ask you the hard questions later if you don't pick them for
3:46
yourself. So
3:49
so I'll I'll go first and along the lines of this discussion of just kind of transformation
3:55
and how change comes about. I think all change and all ideas it starts with a tiny idea,
4:03
right? And then it slowly grows into something bigger and then it will happen or not happen.
4:10
So the big change – one of the big changes we made was we moved from New Hampshire to
4:16
the West. And that was a huge change because both of us are from the East Coast. We had
4:21
a home that we loved and it put a lot of effort and time into making it the place that we
4:27
wanted to live forever. And that we wanted to have our kids come home to and our grandkids
4:32
come home to. And that was really the vision that I think both of us shared for many years.
4:39
And in.. think it was about seven years ago we started to get this idea of moving West.
4:47 Our Life Could Be Different
And so that started this kind of opening of, 'Oh, our life could be different than what
4:53
it currently is right now.' And could we just imagine and be be open to the possibility
5:00
that it it could look different and be different. So I think that was really the beginning at
5:06
least for me of being open to a big change, and moving away from something that was known,
5:14
and that was secure, and that was stable. And then I would say almost the rest is history.
5:23
Kind of for me from that beginning of –oh this idea of moving West. And then being with
5:29
it and being open to it and then so much followed from that. Now there were other changes that
5:34
happened. York had some changes as well but that I would say that was a big contribution.
5:41
So just kind of saying, 'Hey, this is the life we know and love and maybe it could look
5:47
different than it currently does.' Yeah, and that came out of the blue for us and it took
5:55
some faith and courage to lean into that idea. That possibility. Yeah, kind of a fun story
6:01
around that is when so we met in college out west and when we left there – as we were
6:13
literally driving only 20 minutes on Route 80 heading east Jayne said, "Promise me we
6:20
will never move back here again." I didn't I didn't I was like oh, didn't realize you
6:27
didn't like it so much here. But I didn't, I didn't promise. I don't remember taking
6:31
you know pinky swearing or whatever but you know fast forward to about the time you met
6:37
us not too, not too much time had gone by either before or after we met you about 10
6:44
years ago, and Jayne said, "I feel like we're gonna move west." And I about fell off my
6:50
bench because I thought, 'Wait a second this is startling because this is coming from the
6:56
same person that made me promise we would never go back there again. And what was alarming
7:02
is maybe this is this is an idea from Source and therefore must be taken seriously. Or
7:11
whether I like it or not, it may just happen. And so yeah, I think I love how Jayne talked
7:17
about we we really did pursue a dream of building that home in Amherst, New Hampshire. And I
7:25
think this is just a great reminder that life is about growth. And if you achieve a
7:30
dream watch out there the Universe might have yet another in store for you. And I don't
7:37
think either of us were really that excited about moving West we just kept feeling – I
7:41 The Divine Poke
call it the Divine poke. And this kind of just kind of this comforting feeling that
7:47
we, that maybe our original plan just stay there forever and ever in Happy Happy Land,
7:54
right, it wasn't wasn't to be.
7:58
Well let's go back because I feel like there was a lot that happened before you guys moved
8:04
to Utah. We went sailing. We had a great time and then I remember sitting in a diner with
8:12
you in, oh, remind me the name of the town. Is this in New York? This isn't. Sorry, this
8:19
is a New Hampshire. Yeah, Manchester. All right. Manchester. Yeah. Yeah. So we're in
8:23
New Hampshire. We're in Manchester and we're sitting at a booth and we're and we're talking
8:27
about your yoga studio. Because you just you've recently come full circle. You just sold your
8:32
business what a couple weeks ago? Recently. So yeah, talk to us about that because you
8:38
were working you were doing two totally different things each of you – defense contracting
8:42
and running a piano studio. And talk a little bit about where this idea for a yoga studio
8:48
came from and how that started to unfold and like what stage of life you were at I think
8:53
as well, which I think is important. Yeah. No that is a good question.
8:59 Relationship Shifts as Kids Grow Up
Yeah, so basically we had two of our children had moved out. And we had our sons with us
9:06
and they were both in high school so it did feel like it was a time where I had more bandwidth
9:13
to devote to something outside of the kids in the home which had been my my main priority.
9:19
So there was something opening up up there in terms of just more more energy available
9:26
for for me to pursue something. And then I think there was a combination of things that
9:32
really got that ball rolling. In terms of we were really interested and passionate about
9:38
yoga. We loved it. We were interested in business and starting a business. And I I know for
9:47
York he wanted to do something that was contributing at a deeper level to humanity in the world.
9:54
and that checked that box. And then there was –we felt like there was – an unmet
9:58
need in the area. So there were a lot of things combining to to bring this idea forth and
10:06
and to have it be like, 'Yes. This is, this is a go and we'll will pursue this." Yeah,
10:12
all of those things are true and sound good and romantic but I know there was somewhere
10:19
in your your hints Erik that you wanted to get raw and real. So in part of Jane's yoga
10:29
path she had been going to retreats and trainings in Sedona. And again in light of all those
10:36 Fear of Parallel Lives
other things I also will be honest and say I was starting to feel afraid that Jayne was
10:44
leaving or gonna live a parallel life. And that I was going to be in this day job and
10:50
she would be living this exciting new life. And so I think that you know not all beautiful
10:56
efforts are born pure or out of all pure starts. You know even Jesus didn't have an earthly
11:05
father so the neighbors were thinking that was a scandal, right, so. Yeah. And so I think
11:12
I to be fair and bless Jayne's heart – this is one of the reasons it's probably a celebratory
11:19
moment to have sold Sol Power Yoga – is in my fear and worry, I think I put a lot
11:24
of pressure on Jayne to start a yoga studio so that I could be involved and be part of
11:31
that, right, and be part of her her life rather than feel left behind. Now, I'm not proud
11:39
of that. I mean sometimes even still ashamed of that. And yeah, beautiful beautiful beautiful
11:47
things came out of Sol Power Yoga it has been an immense vessel for growth. Not just for
11:52
us –more for us than anybody else – but for so so many people. So but the next endeavor
11:59
won't have that dark thread of unhealthy fear-laden spousal pressure this time. And so that's
12:09
one reason we're really excited. I think that's a really good point that you're making though,
12:14 The Importance of Knowing What You Want
York and I think that happens a lot of times. That's why when we're doing the coaching with
12:18
people and we kind of go through the Blue Sky questions where we say, like, or ask the
12:23
questions to to open up the possibilities for you as an individual, we say, 'Don't think
12:28
about what it is that your spouse wants. Don't think about what your kids want. Don't think
12:32
about, you know maybe, what your religious community – you think they want of you – you
12:38
know. Just like setting all of that aside so that you can come to the table with your
12:43
honest desires that haven't been colored. And I know even with us, because when you
12:50
have a desire that you think might create distance between you and your spouse, or like
12:58
you said you that you're like, 'I want to do this just so I can be close to you,' which
13:03
you know can can seem noble but you, you know yourself the best. But I know we even had
13:07
a conversation recently where Erik was like, 'Well, I didn't really know how to say this
13:12
because if I take this path that's like you can't go there.' And I'm like, 'That's fine.
13:17
We don't have to go all the same places all the time.' I know. I see in, you know, as
13:23
I look back, it was somewhat controlling. You know, a lot of not nice things. Things
13:27
you don't want spouses to do. and I I was doing some of that. I I think it's maybe maybe
13:33
a great moment to say, too, I think one of the greatest motivations for transformation
13:38
– or let's just be real and just call it just change, right. One of the greatest motivations
13:43
for change – and this was certainly true for me in the last eight to ten years – is
13:48
suffering. You're just feeling unhappy. And that the happy-go-lucky path and methods and
13:58
approaches and everything that would work so well to build a beautiful life for decades
14:03
and decades that had worked very wonderfully just suddenly was not landing anymore. And
14:10
we were on vacation on the West Coast of Mexico. And and Jayne was really graceful. She's like,
14:15 It’s Okay to Learn From Unhappy Feelings
'It's, it's okay.' I say, 'I just, I should be happy and I'm not.' And she's like, 'It's
14:19
okay. Just listen to that. Let that percolate.' You know, this is kind of the big – we've
14:25
been doing yoga for four or five years and just dialing into being courageous enough
14:30
to listen to your feelings and really let them speak is what I think holds us a lot
14:37
of us back from from making important changes if it's not the exterior fears of the peer
14:46
thing around us, too. Well I think going back to what you're saying earlier or your earlier,
14:52
York, is that you tapped into something where you're saying, Jane you're saying, 'Hey, I've
14:59
got some bandwidth. Kids are starting to leave the house. You know, my load is kind of easing
15:04
up.' And your lives are starting to you know kind of like turn turn more parallel rather
15:11
than being unified. And we had a conversation, we had a conversation recently with um one
15:19
of our colleagues and he was telling us that one of the three main reasons that people
15:23
get divorced is, One, you know, they fight over money. Two there's a death of a child.
15:27
And three is the kids move out. Because over the years you just sort of lose track of each
15:33
other –we all tend to – as we're busy in the years of raising kids and and it's
15:38
very easy to slip into this kind of parallel life. And and I think in some ways it was,
15:46
you might have done something very wise to say, 'You know, hey, we recognize that we're
15:51
coming to this intersection where our kids are going to be leaving and we don't have
15:55
as much in common as we used to. And so how can we create something that will give us
15:59
some common ground and some reasons to really dig in and work together and go through something
16:05
together?' And and you might say that that's sort of a dark thread but I also think it
16:09
might be you know showing a lot of foresight. I agree because it did just that. You know,
16:16
we did we did have to work together. And we did for the first time I think have to really
16:23 We Had to Learn to Work Together on a Whole New Level
learn to work together. Okay. Advise and listen to each other. Yeah, not overstep bounds and
16:33
roles and responsibilities in a different capacity than just raising children. Yeah,
16:37
it challenged us on a whole new level. Where did you find yourselves getting tripped up?
16:42
Where did you, you know, where were because you said, you know, you work through some
16:44
things but where were those tension points that kind of like brought like, 'Hey, this
16:49
is we're not good at this' – and you've gotten good at it but like – what can you
16:53
share an example of that? Yeah, was it like role clarity or yeah, what kind of things?
16:57
I mean just jealousy for me, right. So I can you know put pressure on Jayne, 'Let's do
17:03 It Was Horrible
this,' And then I still have a day job. And so she's thinking you know it was it was horrible
17:08
actually. So so she's thinking she's thinking, 'I didn't really want to do this. I just,
17:15
I didn't want the stress of running a yoga studio. I just wanted to teach yoga as a teacher,'
17:20
right? And then I'm at work thinking, 'I'm stuck in this boring day job that's that's
17:25
not helping people be live happier lives and Jayne's getting to do all this, you know,
17:30
interaction with the clients.' And, right? And so I was I was jealous. And so I was always
17:37
kind of you know coming home and working on it in the evening. And working on stuff that
17:42
wasn't necessarily clearly defined yet but that she was thinking probably was hers and
17:46
probably should have been hers, right? And I was working. I'm already a person that can
17:53
work too much. Jayne can can attest to that. And so I was, you know, every waking moment
17:59
I was working on this part and that part and this part. And trying to stay relevant and
18:04
engaged. It was, it was horrible. And Jayne began to see Sol Power Yoga as my mistress,
18:09
right? So not only had I horribly kind of pushed this job on her that she didn't necessarily
18:17
want, or worse CEO role, right, but then I was always you know trying to take it when
18:24
I could. Or wasn't just taking time to go on walks and talk. And so it was it was really
18:30
bad. For a while – probably a year and a half to two. Well, I mean we did talk. We
18:38
did have like, 'Hey, we got to define this. We got to stop. You can't keep doing this.'
18:44
I mean a lot of tears. A lot of crying. A lot of talking. And a lot of growing, right.
18:50
A lot of growing. We were both exploding expanding individually. I love this phrase that we counseled.
18:59 You Gotta Be Careful
We chose a wise counselor in a religious leader named, David Holland. He said something. He
19:07
really recognized a handful of things. So York's going through this personal revolution.
19:12
Great. And all the kids are leaving the nest. So Jayne is probably feeling pretty darn abandoned
19:17
if not freaked out by, 'Who's this guy I married? He's changing really fast.' And so he really
19:22
pointed that out. And pointed out to me like, 'you gotta be careful.' He had counsel for
19:29
Jayne too but one of the things he said that was really beautiful was, 'It's going to take
19:34
time for the language to catch up with the growth in your relationship." Meaning the
19:39
way of talking about it or talking to each other. Yeah. Yeah. And even understanding
19:43
and expressing. Yeah. Even understanding. Like it would have been so helpful if I could
19:49
have said to Jayne in that time, 'I'm jealous of your roles in Sol Power Yoga because it's
19:56
my baby, too.' You know. And that "my baby, too" came up all the time.
20:02 Hiking El Camino
And I think and if if you want to use this as a segue this is where El Camino was beautifully
20:08
wonderful, right? And so crazy difficult. I do actually because you wrote a book called,
20:17
Ridiculously Okay." And and we had the opportunity to read it. And that's where, you know, you
20:23
first shared some of these these struggles. And I remember I remember one of the great
20:27
scenes from that like something about. You would.. You thought you're going to stop somewhere
20:31
for the night and it turned out that you couldn't stop there. And I laughed out loud when you
20:37
said, and Jayne..we just kept walking on the road giving me the the one, the one finger
20:41
salute. I remember that, too. Such a great line. That's everyone's favorite part. Yeah.
20:45
Oh, sorry, Jayne. We just I just loved how candid you were. And you're like, 'look I'm
20:50
mad. I'm pissed off.' Yeah. And I think that's great. Yeah, I'm too tired to talk but, yeah.
20:55
It was like you couldn't step away from the wrestle. Yeah. No we had to go an extra one
21:00
and a half miles to get the other side of town. And so I'm like – I mean our feet
21:04
are throbbing I had been a little nauseous earlier the day and I'm trying to dig deep
21:09
and just be peppy – and I say something positive. And she was just like. She's like
21:13
I am not having that. You are not gonna cheer me up. Chipper. Oh baby. I'm gonna own my
21:19
emotions. Okay, so yeah. You know, talk to us a little bit about how that experience
21:26
played into your transformation because now you're sort of in the middle years of owning
21:29
Sol Power Yoga. Is that right? Yeah. I mean and you're and you're able to you have it
21:35
up and running well enough that you're able to step away. Other people are able to run
21:38
the classes. You're able to cross the Atlantic Ocean. And you can just be gone for a few
21:42
weeks. And the business takes care of itself. And you're able to have some time together
21:46
doing something pretty pretty focused and turns out to be pretty Illuminating. So Jayne,
21:52 El Camino Takeaways
I'd love to hear from you some of your main takeaways from this experience. Great. And
21:56
I also want to add that that wouldn't have happened if so many other things hadn't happened
22:02
before that.
22:04
Okay, I mean in terms of just deciding to pull our roots from New Hampshire, to take
22:10
the step to open a business, to working on our relationships. Like that because that
22:17
took some courage, too, to to go and try and hike 500 miles in you know 25 days. 25 days.
22:26
Yeah which is kind of outside of our scope of possibility five years before that. We
22:32
just didn't think we were that type of people that..
22:37
So I think the cool thing is that these these choices that, again took courage to make and
22:44
to fulfill on, opened up the possibility of how we saw our lives, how we saw our lives
22:51
together, and what we saw we could do. So that all happened before we got on the plane.
23:00
Just that you'd open yourself up to the possibilities and you're like, 'Hey we're the kind of people
23:03
that can do this sort of thing so..' Or at least try. We're gonna attempt it. Yeah, and
23:09 Talking About It vs Doing It
I always say and I always say this to York, 'It's one thing to talk about doing something
23:14
and it's entirely
23:16
another thing to actually do it. And the doing of it is very hard. And it's not glamorous.
23:20
And it's not romantic. And I know you guys know all about that. There's like there's
23:24
a lot of just grind in the actual doing and fulfilling your dreams. Yeah. We remember
23:32
going to your yoga studio when it was just a shell nothing had been built out and then
23:38
coming back when it was.. Beautiful. Beautiful. And doing yoga with you there and then you
23:45
know having done a fair bit of camping and hiking ourselves knowing that 500 miles is
23:49
no joke. It's no joke so that's a serious hike. Ours is usually, rock climbing and Erik
23:56
pick a route and get
23:57
a rope fixed at the top because he's a much better climber than me. And I'll look and
24:02
I'll be like, 'Oh, it looks great. Like looks like there's a ton of holds – places to
24:05
put my hands and feet. And this is going to be really fun. And then as soon as I'm in
24:09
the harness and I'm actually the one who's climbing, I'm like, 'I I can't see anywhere.
24:14
I can't move.' You know, so I know, I know that feeling. I can't imagine doing it all
24:19
day every day where it's one thing to say, 'Yeah I rock climb,' and it's an entirely
24:24
other thing to actually do it and to face the fear and to manage the physical challenge
24:31
of it and the mental challenge of it. It's like a whole different world. Yeah. Like surfing
24:36
is another good analogy, right? [24.38 sound cuts out until 25:08]
24:52
in 15 minutes for maybe two good rides and I call myself a surfer? But the answer is,
25:12
yes! because that's what surfing is, right? That's the grind. That's the that's the pain.
25:19
That's the agony. But it's not trivial. I know you guys know. What's your favorite quote
25:25 Loving the Hard Part
about surfing, Emily, that you heard? Oh, if you want to be a surfer you have to love
25:29
paddling. That's what I heard early on and I was like, "I can do that part."
25:35
Yeah we only we only see the clips of you know the five percent or two percent of the
25:40
time when surfers are actually up on their board. I would say if you want to surf you
25:43
have to be okay with water up your nose. Water up your nose. You gotta be okay with that.
25:46
You've got to love the taste of salt and you've gotta you gotta like bruises and. Yeah. It's
25:52
like, it's like if you want to live on a sailboat you got to be okay getting seasick every now
25:55
and then. Yeah, I really think with the surfing you know how cool do I feel when I do get
26:03
handed my board back by a wave and and like I get a bruise from the fins on because it
26:09
ran over me or something I'm like, 'Yes, because I was going for it you know.' Hardcore, Emily.
26:15
I'm always like so proud of myself that I, you know, have these bruises and scrapes from
26:21
my surf attempts. Yeah. No just a lot out there. Do you want to go back to El Camino?
26:29
Yeah, yeah. Talk about.. Let's talk about El Camino. So What's the question again? Just,
26:36
you know how did that. You're in the middle of owning a business. You've been you know
26:40
kind of colliding as husband and wife after years of sort of – not not divergent paths
26:45
–but just not really involved in each other's lives in the way that you might have wanted
26:48
to be. And now you're in the thick of running a business together. And you say we can, we
26:53
see ourselves as the kind of people that can break away. First of all, we've got our business
26:57
to the point where we can step away and it'll run itself. And we can go do this thing that
27:01
we probably never would have seen ourselves doing before. Now we're gonna go do a 500
27:07
Mile pilgrimage across northern Spain and and and what came out of that? We'll leave
27:13
it there for now. We'll pick it up and take it to the conclusion on the next episode.
27:17
So be sure to subscribe and follow so you don't miss out on next week's episode and
27:21
future episodes as they come out. Because we're going to get into the thick of really
27:25
being honest with each other as we work on Big Dreams as husband and wife. So look forward
27:30
to seeing you on the next episode. Thanks.
